|#Wattys2015| HΔNGIN' |Bastille/Dan Smith fanfic|

15. I feel bad

Dan's pov

"Hi mum" I greet, stepping to the side to let mum and Fran into our flat. Neither of them say a word as they walk through to the lounge. They could've said something, I know that they're both really hurting and everything but seriously? I haven't seen mum in nearly a year because of touring and I haven't seen Fran in like... three years? She was living in Leeds for ages. Both of them could've said hi at least.
Charlie walks along the flat block hallway holding his mail in his hands. He spots me standing by my door and comes over to me.

"Stay strong kitten" he tells me and heads back to his door next to mine.

"You're turning into Kyle" I reply casually. Charlie turned around, smiling.

"That's an improvement, my band think I'm worse than Kyle!" I chuckle a little and Charlie enters his flat, closing his door behind him. I close our door and make my way to the lounge. Jess walks in with two mugs of hot chocolate and she places them on the coffee table in front of mum and Fran.

"D'you want one?" Jess asks me but I shake my head and join Fran and mum on the large sofa. Still, neither of them talk. Its making me feel really awkward. Jess walks in and sits on my lap.

"So this is your girlfriend?" Mum suddenly asks. I turn to her and furrow my brows. She already knows that, why is she asking again? Has she changed her opinion of Jess? I'm staying with her no matter what. I love her too much to let her go or leave her. That is not happening.

"Um, you've already met her" I reply just as Fran looks across to Jess. Jess mumbles a quick and awkward hello.

"Yes but that was ages ago. And Fran hasn't met her yet" Mum says. I nod. Turning to Fran, she raises her eyebrow.

"Fran, this is Jessica, or Jessie, or simply Jess, my girlfriend of four years." I introduce. Jess chuckles at the numerous names and leans back into my chest before waving at Fran.

"Nice to meet you" Fran replies.

"You too" Jess says. Mum coughs and finally starts talking more.

"We've planned your father's funeral, we are having it here in London and it will just be family and close friends their. Your band are welcome to come too." she tells me. I nod in response. I pick up my iPhone and open iMessage. Scrolling past the band's chat and other individual contacts, I stop on my dad. I feel so awful because the last thing I said to him was on iMessage when we were on tour. He had told me to stop being a goddamned pessimist and I stupidly snapped back saying:

'I can't fucking help it"

I feel terrible. I'm a horrible person. Who the hell would do that to their own father? We were close, even though we argued a few times, it was out of care and love, we were very close. And that's the last fucking thing I told him. I couldn't say goodbye. I couldn't tell him I love him. I hate myself so much for it.
What did he do to deserve it? What has my dad done to deserve to die? Why did he have to have a heart attack? It should've been me. But no, it was him, a kind, loving, best father anyone could ask for. He did not deserve this at all.

It should've been you, Daniel!

My knuckles pop in frustration and I excuse myself to our bedroom before I breakdown. In that time I tell my band mates that they are welcome to the funeral and I just collapse on the bed unable to do anything but think of dad, wishing it had happened to me instead of him.

How the hell is mum and Fran being so strong? Someone give me strength.

An:
Sorry it's been a while guys. I failed. clearly. No one cares about that. I will shut up.
Should I keep this in the Wattys or pull out? I really don't know :-(
-Kyle