|#Wattys2015| HΔNGIN' |Bastille/Dan Smith fanfic|

1. New beginnings

A year previously...

The sun glows softly as it's dying rays turn the horizon orange, fading into the blueness of the sky. It's evening if you hadn't guessed already. I'm sitting in my old flat with my bandmates, well when I say old, I've only been living here for five years. I'm twenty eight now, so I do feel old. To be honest I can't believe I've lived this long already, where does time go? Oh, and all that about 'time flies when you're having fun' well guess what? Time flies when you're not having fun too!
Surprising isn't it? But hey ho, life is full of surprises. They jump out at you when you least expect it, rather like snakes do. Evil little creatures.

So I've spent most of my life not doing much. Quite literally. Socialising wasn't my thing at all and my main focus was getting out of school. I hated it with a passion. But then, doesn't everybody? You'd be strange not to.
I got bullied throughout my schools and the teachers weren't too nice either.
Overall, school was my hell hole.

My passion for music was always there though. It still is there and it's the one thing I enjoy doing most. During school I used to use the practise rooms as an escape and an excuse to be late to lessons or to get out of detentions.
It worked until Ralph, one of my best mates, discovered that I could sing and write crappy lyrics as well as play the piano or keyboard.
That's how my music career took off really, he kept pushing me an then I found the guys. Woody first, then Will and finally Kyle.

The new era is coming pretty soon for our second album. Yes, our second album, most stormers would be relieved after waiting a couple of years after out first album and the re-release of it. We did release a third mix tape called 'Vs. Other People's Heartache part III' but not many people took interest in that, they were all waiting for the new album.

There's just a few things I need to finalise on the album with the guys which is why we are all at my flat. Usually my girl would be here but she is working. I'll tell you about her another day. We need to get this album polished.

"It's gonna be great!" Woody smiles at us all. He's always the optimistic, and you'll probably know that I'm the pessimist. Listening though some of our tracks on the second album I wasn't as sure as Woody, my voice was slightly off pitch at times and I swear I messed up the keyboard part in Campus. I pressed the wrong key in the second repeat of the ostinato.

"Brilliant. The fans will love this new album." Will says confidently with Kyle and Woody nodding along. Whilst 'Grip' is playing, about halfway through the song, Kyle rewinds it a few seconds to replay the part where I sing softly in the bridge. Woody looks at Kyle and then me questioningly. It's bad right?

Kyle listens again,
"I, would rather forget, and wash my memory clean..." My voice plays through the speakers. Personally I thought that part sounded okay, but something is clearly wrong with it for Kyle to have to listen to it again.

"I sound terrible don't I?" I question but he quickly shakes his head, almost laughing.

"Not at all silly! I love this part, your voice is like an angel right there, the way you sing that so softly." He corrects and I face palm. Am I supposed to sound like a so called angel? Is that a bad thing? I just nod slowly whilst Woody and Will laugh. Okay they're laughing at me. Well, about me. Great.

"And then you ruin Dan's beautifulness by repeating the line with him Kyle" Will jokes and Kyle holds his hands up,

"What can I say? Dan makes it beautiful and I give it the sassiness!" he replies, grinning widely.
You mean Kyle makes it beautiful and I ruin it. I frown.
Woody pats me on the back before speaking.

"Come on mate, that's a good thing, a complement. Don't take things so seriously. Especially with Kyle." He tells me and I nod. I've been told this like a million times but oh well.

"To be honest you are very sensitive Danny boy" Kyle adds. I don't reply, I can't reply, what do I say? The guys don't know this but during high school and university I had two best friends. Ralph and Harry were their names and Ralph was great, he still is a great friend of mine, of Bastille actually. Bastille and To Kill A King are 'band buddies' in a way. So, Harry wasn't so nice. I was bullied back then and when it got worse he started listening to what the bullies say. He kept calling me Danny boy, or 'Damn Shit' which is an anagram for my name 'Dan Smith'. I hated it and he saw that so he didnt stop. Not until I left university and moved back to London.

Since then I've always hated being called Danny boy but I've not wanted anyone knowing in fear that they'll use it against me. Anything could happen. For all I know, one of my band mates could turn against me soon. I just get so paranoid.

I flinch slightly when Kyle snaps his fingers in front of my face and I sigh.

"Dude what's up?" he asks me concerningly, his brows furrowed. Woody nods along. I can't tell them. I shouldn't tell them anything in all fairness, they don't need my emotions and I really wouldn't like the attention anyway. I'm used to the fame but attention about personal life? No, I'm like a sealed bottle. Everything stays within me. That's how I prefer it.

"Dan?" Will adds a couple of minutes later. Oh shit! I've not replied. Quickly I snap my head up and put on a smile, the boys just staring at me. Okay, I'm not that interesting.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I find the words to say. The boys don't look satisfied but if they don't want to believe me then thats their choice. And it shows they know me well. Perhaps a little too well.

"You're not Dan." Woody says firmly.

"I am! I'm completely fine!" I snap back, anger burning in the back of my throat. They need to stop asking, angry Dan isn't a good Dan, that's for sure.

"okay... Explain Grip instead then." Woody orders me. I look at him confusingly. Why the hell do I need to explain the song? It's done and on the new album , why suddenly question it?

"the lyrics. 'I would rather forget

And wash my memory clean.

I should just walk away, walk away

But it grips me, it grips me

But I should call it a day

And make my way

Oh, it grips me

Cause the devil's got my arms

And it pulls me back into the dark

But I should just walk away, away

It grips me'

that part. What's it supposed to mean?" Will finishes. I shrug my shoulders and look down. I never told them the meaning behind the lyrics. It's not something they need to know, bandmates or not.

"so what, I feel down sometimes. It's nothing." I finally reply.

"Dan we are your bandmates, best friends, just talk to us when you need to" Woody tells me just before Charlie walks into the room. Did I mention he is joining us on tour? Gives the fans another good person to look at instead of me.