It's always been you (BellamyxReader)

Prologue

⚠️Trigger warning ⚠️ Mentions of abuse in this Chapter

YN'S POV

God I hated the ark. Everything about it sucks. Shitty Rules, Shitty Council, Shitty Chancellor. They were so strict on rules. Anything that you did wrong, if you were over 18 you would get floated. If you aren't though you get locked up until you turn 18 and guess what you get. You get floated. So as you'd expect it sucks.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be on earth before the whole nuclear war. I just imagine how beautiful everything would be, the trees, the flowers, the grass. The things I would do to be able to see the beautiful planet called earth. Then again I would do anything if it meant getting out of this cell. The only time I would really get to leave is when they move me into a different cell.

In my free time, which is all the time I make up scenarios in my head, kind of like telling a story just to my self and imagining it as if I was there, just, in my head. Other times I think about what I could've done differently, if it meant I wouldn't be locked up but I knew the answer to that. And every time I thought about it I would always get to the same conclusion. I would end up here, in this lifeless cell a million times over again.

I met a couple people during my time locked up but only one of them was able to get through to me. Octavia Blake. God I missed her but they ended up separating the 2 of us after about 6 months. But everyday I hope I get to see her again before I get floated. If you haven't guessed already, I'm getting floated pretty soon. I turn 18 in about 3 days. But I still haven't lost hope on seeing her even if I had to fight my way through these guards to get to her. I know, crazy right?.

There was only one other person other her that I would love to see before my time comes but I know it would be nearly impossible. I haven't seen him in years. That and well I don't know his name, honestly I don't really remember what he looks like since my memories of him are clouded. A lot of my childhood is if I'm honest. But I'd like to think if I ever get to chance to see him again, I would know, whether it be in this life time or another. He has been the only thing, other than Octavia, that has kept me going. I know it sounds crazy but you don't know the full story so you can't judge me.

Or maybe it's just because when I let someone in it's hard to let them go. I guess I'm just loyal to the people I respect and care for. And that's my weakness not that there's a lot of people that I care about enough for that to be a huge one.

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Flashback:

"Come on YN, why you running? you know you won't get far." My so called father grinned at me as he got closer to me.

"Please just leave me alone I don't want to do this anymore" I pleaded to him. To him I was just a weapon a tool at his disposal. A toy that would do anything for him.

"Oh dear YN. You haven't learned have you, I'll always find you. There's not a place here in which I won't. So stop it with the tantrums and let's go." My father said as he inched closer to me. I was cornered and he was right I had no where to go. Even if I was able to escape. I gave in and gave him a small nod while chocking back tears. He only gave me the scariest smirk as we walked back to our room. That day I got one of the worsts bettings of my life. I was too drained to fight back as I normally would.

I stayed there laying on the floor. My whole body was weak and throbbing. I knew it would leave bad bruises. My father just stared down at me before turning away and speaking. "I'm leaving I have a night shift. I know you won't try anything." He didn't even glance at me before shutting the door behind him and leaving.

My father was guard. A high ranking one at that. He always had everything at his feet. My mother died giving birth to me. He always blamed me for that. Growing up he barely gave me attention. Only made sure to give me enough care so I wouldn't die, so he wouldn't look like the bad guy who let his child die because he neglected it. I was forced to grow up so quickly, to become independent. I was 5 when this happened.

By age six all hell broke loose. My father trained me hard. Making sure I was strong so I would do his dirty work. Any weapon he would train me with he made sure I would master it. But he always made sure that I knew, I would never be able to beat him. So I never tried to defy him. I only did what he asked me to do. Only leave this room to do what he asked of me. Because if he ever found out I did something without his permission he was sure to discipline me. So I always made sure to never get caught. You'll never know the lengths I went through to leave this place and explore even if it was for a little. After all strict parents raise sneaky kids.

I never tried to seek help. I only did once. But it ended up backfiring. I had told a lady I had seen around, apparently she was important. A person on the council. She believed me but I should've know it wouldn't have worked anyway. I wasn't even away for an hour before my dad was able to find me and somehow twist the truth so the lady wouldn't believe me anymore. She ended up giving me up back to the man I never wanted to see again. I got the worst betting of my life that day. I was seven at that time.

I knew I shouldn't blame her, that it wasn't her fault my life is so shitty, that I shouldn't blame her for not believing me. But I couldn't stop the resentment I had building up in me towards her and all the high ranking people on the ark. I had had enough of everyone and everything. I honestly just wanted everything to stop. I hated the fact that I was born to only be seen as a toy, a mear punching bag.

By the age of 8 my dad started to send me off alone to do things for him. Small crimes that would go unnoticed. It started off small and innocent, not like committing crimes was. At first it was things like stealing extra rations or small doses of medicine. This came easy for me. But that's exactly what he wanted. Then he started making me do other things. Unspeakable things. He once made me kill a man and his wife for crossing him. I never wanted it, I never wanted any of it. But life had a way of making things hard for me.

Nevertheless I always made sure to never get caught, to cover my tracks. I thought since I was doing a good job in doing my dad's biddings he would go easy on the training and the whole me being a punching bag. But boy was I wrong. Quite the opposite of what I expected actually. It slowly got worse. He never had the intention to kill me though at least I thought so. More like I chose to believe so and thankfully I was right. I mean sure I hated life but we can't defy destiny, right?
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