The Publicity Stunt - Ryden

Chapter 11: the way he moves

His eyes are beautiful, I've come to find. I mean, I always knew they were gorgeous, but no, they are the only thing I can think about now. The way they light up when he smiles. The way they darken when I'm on top of him every night. The way they shine when his eyes find mine in a crowded room. I can't get those damn eyes out of my head.

Even worse than that is the way I can't find anything to hate about him anymore. Actually, I find him quite amazing. There's a sense of playful flirtation between us now that I didn't see before. Sexual tension between us that I never knew was there, but apparently everyone else did.

"Have you told him you love him yet?" Pete asks me one day at soundcheck, knowing full well that the other boys could hear him. They, however, don't seem phased at all by the question. Spencer even smirks as he waits for my answer.

"Why would I tell him that?" I ask with a brow raised. I don't love him. That's ridiculous. We've only been together for a couple of months and that was all fake. Besides that, I was just now starting to like the guy. Love was ages away.

"Maybe because everyone here can tell that ever since you started seeing him, you've changed." Dallon speaks up. "You've taken over interviews, but only when he's there on the sidelines. You're smiling a hell of a lot more. You have after sex glow every morning, and you don't have anymore panic attacks before shows because he kisses them out of you..."

He's right. All of those things have happened. All because of Brendon, but I wasn't going to admit to it out loud. "Ry...." Spencer starts, and I know to roll my eyes now because if anyone is going to be able to tell how i feel based off looks, it's Spencer. We have known each other since we were in diapers. Fuck, I don't want to hear what he has to say. "I've never seen you this happy." He admits, and then goes silent. For Spencer, that's all he needs to say. He's never seen me this happy. Fuck... He was right. I was happy. Happier than I have ever been in my life. It was because of Brendon and I--

"I don't love him." I hear the denial come out of my own mouth. I know it's only partially true but I say it anyways. Lying to myself and the people around me has become a habit of mine. "You guys can think what you want, but I'm not telling him I love him, because I can't lie to him." I admit. I don't love him, that much is true. I like him. A lot. I'm mesmerized by everything about him but that's not love. That's adoration.

***

After the concert Brendon and I preform our usual routine. Fucking. After we both finished trying to catch our breath, Brendon got out of bed, and started walking to the kitchen. I watched his ass and smirked to myself at the thought of a naked Brendon making himself a bowl of cereal in my kitchen. I let out a groan and follow him, letting my arms wrap around him from behind as he pour some lucky charms into a stark white bowl.

"Sure, you can have some of my cereal. I don't mind." I let out with a hint of sarcasm to my voice as I lean down to kiss his shoulder gently. I feel his body shake when he laughs and I smile at the feeling. "Your laugh is fucking adorable." I admit, leaning my chin on his shoulder as I watch him pour in the milk. It's the first time I've ever complimented him outside of the bedroom, and I can tell he's taken note of that.

"Well remind me to do it more often then." He says with a small smirk, abandoning his cereal so he can turn to face me. I lean into him and let our lips press together in a gentle kiss. It shouldn't have been this light between us, but it was. His kisses have me butterflies and I couldn't help but feel a slight ping in my chest when he pulls back. He moves his hand to caress my cheek and i lean into it, sighing happily.

"We don't have to do this much longer. The album comes out soon, and then we can split up, and you can go back to seeing other men. So you won't be stuck with me." He let's out. I could be wrong but I think I hear a bit of sadness in his voice. His hands move to the small of my back as mine move to brush through his hair. I don't want him to leave. I don't want to be with anyone else, not like this. I don't think he wants us to be over either but... I'm kidding myself. Brendon wants this to be over as soon as possible. He needs to get back to his life before all of this happens.

"Good." Is all I say. I know I'm lying to the truth. But I have to. What am I supposed to do? Admit to him that I want him to stay? Make a complete full out of myself? No. I will get along just fine when he leaves. I won't even miss him when he's gone.