The Publicity Stunt - Ryden

Chapter 13: whiskey blues

I was hammered. I had never been this drunk in my entire life. I was sure of it. Brendon had come over to me a few times to check up but I paid him no attention, ignoring him completely to take shot after shot. I talked to everyone but him. I figured he wouldn't mind because he FINALLY didn't have to be in my life. He was FINALLY done with me. Fuck him.

And no, fuck you, I'm not crying. I'm not a mess of broken sobs and red eyes. No... It's fucking allergy season! Why can't anyone get that through their damn skull!?

His voice was ringing in my head. Finally.... Finally.... I wanted to throw up. I wanted to throw up on him. Fucker deserved it after what he said. Fucking finally? Really? I gave him the best orgasm of his life. He should be begging me to stay.

Fuck him.

When I looked to where he was standing I saw him getting a little too close to a man with neck tattoos. My heart drops in my chest when he leans into the man and whispers something into his ear, making the other man smirk. He was flirting with another guy right in front of me. Fuck him, fuck him. Fuck him. I hated him.

Tears streamed down my cheeks and I quickly downed my glass of whiskey, my eyes heavy from the alcohol in my system. Breaking down in public wasn't exactly my thing. I was a pretty shy person, but my heart was shattered into pieces and I couldn't help but let the world see my hurt.

When Pete puts his hand on my shoulder i easily nudge it away. He can't do anything to ease my pain. No one can. "Ryan... Hey.... Don't cry." He all but whispers. When I look up at him I can see the marks from Patrick on his neck. It must be nice to have someone who loves you the way you love them. I wouldn't know. They've been together a lot lately. I think Patrick finally let Pete take him out on a date. It's cute really, how into each other they are. I crave that with Brendon. I want him to love me like I apparently love him.

I didn't know I was capable of love until now.

"I'm not fucking crying..." I mumble to him, quickly gathering my things and paying my tab. "I'm uh... I'm gonna head home." My voice is slurred and I almost trip over my own feet when I stand up. Pete helps me gain my balance back and slowly walks me towards the door. "Where the fuck are my keys?" I ask, rummaging through my pockets with a soft pout. I need to drive home. Now.

"You're not driving anywhere Ry." The voice behind me calls. I know the voice belongs to Brendon. I don't turn around. "Are you not even going to acknowledge me? Don't be such a fucking child Ryan." He scolds me.

I stay silent and push Pete away as I move out the door to the parking garage. Brendon follows behind me, but I pay him no mind. He doesn't deserve even a second of my time.

His hand grabs my shoulder and spins me toward him. I'm too drunk to stop him and now I'm standing face to face with the reason for all this pain I'm feeling. "Talk to me..." He begs, eyes watering with tears. "Whatever I said to make you hate me, I'm sorry." He apologizes. Maybe it's genuine, maybe it's not, but I'm too drunk to tell.

I look at him for a long while before grabbing him by the tie and pulling him into me. My lips graze his gently before I really kiss him. The kiss is deep. Passionate. I put every ounce of love I have for him into that one kiss, letting my lips do the talking that my drunken mouth can't. I love him, and this is my way of silently letting him know that.

He kisses back just as strongly and wraps his arms around my neck, pulling me closer. We stay like that for a while, our lips touching, his nose pressed into mine, and my hands on his hips. Something about it just feels right, but I'll never get to see what that feeling is. I don't let people break my heart twice.

That's why when I pull back i look up into his eyes and say "I never want to see you again". I watch Brendon's face drop but before he can say anything, I'm walking away, never looking back.

I'm done with him. Forever.