The Publicity Stunt - Ryden

Chapter 19: closure

"I was three when she left. I could still remember the sounds of my father and her screaming at each other. I remember the heels clicking on our hardwood floor right before a door slammed. I had raced to my window and watched her drive away, watched her leave us. When I walked downstairs to make sure I wasn't having a nightmare, I found my dad standing in the foyer with a bottle of jack in his hands. He pointed straight at me and mumbled 'this is your fault.'"

"The words had stuck with me ever since. I was left a mess of self consciousness and anxiety. I thought the reason she had left was that there was something wrong with me, that it wasn't possible for people to like me. My father sure didn't. That's where the social anxiety comes from I guess. I never wanted to get close to anyone. I was afraid if I did maybe they would realize how horrible i am and leave me, just like my mother did."

I'm sitting on Brendon's lap, my head on Brendon's chest as he wraps his arms around me. Normally, I would refuse to let this happen. He would be in my lap. But right now, I needed the comfort, and he was happy to supply it. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're fucking perfect." He mumbles as he presses his lips against my shoulder and closes his eyes. "I'm never leaving again." He swears.

I close my eyes gently and sigh to myself. I would cry at the pain in my heart, but I was done crying. All the tears in my body had dissolved a long time ago. Now it was just me and Brendon, and my story. I was telling my truth for the first time to anyone. Maybe it was not like me to open up so much but, this was to Brendon, and Brendon was my person. He wouldn't judge me, wouldn't leave if he heard something too intimate. He would smile at me and nod, taking it all in. In a way I think that's why I loved him so much. He was the only person I felt safe with. I only hoped he felt the same way.

***

Brendon's POV

It's not very often that I see myself in this situation. I'm not a genuinely loving person. But with Ryan it's different. His happiness is my main concern anymore. He tells me his story, what happened in the past that lead him to this point. He tells me about his first pet, his first best friend, and the first time he discovered music.

He explains a couple Close Corners songs to me and suddenly they make sense. There are a lot of references to his father and his alcohol problem. They all seem so much more obvious in his lyrics now that I know to look for them.

Ryan has a lot of problems, but that's what makes him so amazing. That's what made me fall in love with him. He's not perfect. He has this twitch in his eye when he gets angry and he grinds his teeth in his sleep, but honestly I did it so adorable. His little flaws make him my Ryan Ross. Not the millionaire rock star heartthrob, but the boy who I sleep next to every night. The boy who makes my world stop spinning with just one look.

I love him. I fucking love him more than I could ever have imagined.

I've always loved him. He just didn't know how to open himself up to the love before now. And I'm so glad he figured out how to.

***

Ryan's POV

His lips still taste of cherry Chapstick. I find it hilarious that he primes his lips before he sees me. It's kind of cute to know that he's worried about having chapped lips while kissing me. The boy could have sandpaper lips and I wouldn't give a fuck.

He's sweet tonight, probably because of what I just went through with my mother. His motions are slow and steady as he kisses me. I don't think I've ever felt anything like it. His fingers flow through my hair and I feel butterflies dancing on my skin as his fingers trail my arms.

When he pulls back i let out a content sigh and press my forehead against his and lick over my lips, savoring his taste, cherry Chapstick and all. I reach my hand up to caress his cheek gently before whispering softly "I love you"

He whispers back "I love you too." And everything is suddenly golden in the sky.

He's my moon, and I his sun. And everything is golden.