Sin never tasted so....

Chapter 5 - Pact with the devil

Warnings: rough language, bullying, sex language, they kinda hate each other, kind words

Fortunately, I still had a whole weekend before my studies started again. I even managed to push the thought of Yeonjun away quite well, that I didn't even know what had actually come over me in the hotel.
Alcohol! It was the alcohol!
Monday morning, after the first lecture, I had an hour break, which I spent with my best friend Yuna.
Like almost every day, she gushed about her boyfriend and how happy she was with him. And like almost every day, I envy her having someone by her side, with whom she could share her life.
"How was your vacation? Anything special happend?" Yuna suddenly asked out of nowhere. My eyes darted from my apple, in my hand, to her. I looked at her questioningly, my cheeks full. Yuna grinned back, "Or met anyone special?"
I swallowed my apple and cleared my throat: "No! Nobody."
Yunas eyes widened before she grabbed my upper arm: "Oh my goooood!!! Who did you meet? Does he look good? What's his name? Is he sweet?"
"Woah! Why do you think I met someone?"
Yuna grinned: "You're red up to your ears!"
I froze a little: "No, I'm not!"
"Oh Sumi, come on! You can tell me. I can see through you from three meters away anyway!"
I rolled my eyes and took another bite of my apple.
The cafeteria was really empty at that time, a disadvantage if you were trying to find something to distract yourself with.
"SUUUUUUUMIIIIIIIIII!" my friend protested, shaking my arm.
I didn't allow my mind to wander back to the moment I had successfully repressed.
What was that anyway? It hadn't meant anything, so why tell Yuna.
"I had a one night stand." My mouth said while my head was still thinking.
As soon as I heard the words come out of my mouth, I slapped my hand over my mouth so hard that it echoed throughout the cafeteria.
Yuna froze just like me.
Shit! What the hell! Why did I say that?!
"You...what?" It fell out of Yuna and I slowly turned my gaze back to her.
"I... didn't wanted to say that." I admitted and we looked at each other in silence for a while.
"Damn...that was...that was your first time..." she said, who really knew everything about me. Meanwhile I buried my face in my arms.
I knew that...I had given my first time away, on a one night stand...which I really deeply regretted.
"Oh shit...was he...at least careful? I swear, if he was an ass, then I'll search the whole world for him and then kill him!" Yuna made her statement and I raised my head.
There was no chance I would tell her who he was...she knew Yeonjun and grew to hate him like I did.
"It's okay...I honestly don't want to talk about it." I admitted and then there was a brief silence again.
Shortly afterwards I felt my best friend's hand on my back. "It's okay, girl, I'm here for you."
I loved her for those words, but I didn't think I would ever want to talk to her about that.

*

The day was long and hard, the conversation with Yuna this morning had undone my work of repression. Afterwards, my thoughts kept wandering to Yeonjun.
Yes- he was an ass and an idiot, but he had taken something from me that is very valuable to a girl. We were now connected for life... somehow through that and unfortunately I suspected the saying "You'll never forget your first one" was true.
Yeonjun would always be on my mind from now on, even if I tried to suppress it, it had happened.
Lost in thought, I wandered around campus alone, on my way to the dorms. Yuna had another lecture before she promised to distract me as much as possible.
"Sumi!" I heard a piercing voice calling across the campus. I stopped. I couldn't sort out the voice, so I looked around for the source of the voice.
Unfortunately, what my eyes identified as the source of the voice was like a slap in the face.
Yeonjun.
He walked quickly across the campus path, which had been cleared of snow. His deep black jacket, which reached down to the back of his knees, hung open behind his arms. He had put his hands in the pockets of his light gray sweatpants. The cardigan with a green and brown camouflage pattern matched the fabric pieces that were sewn into his pants, as if it had already been torn. He had his thick black hair styled back so that not a single hair hung over his forehead and the silver earring in his right ear and the black and white shoes, you might think he had just come from the catwalk.
I stopped dead in my tracks.
Was I shocked to see Yeonjun on my campus, or did I just not believe my eyes?
Before Yeonjun even got close to me, he started talking: "I would love to behead you! Why would you think of just disappearing like that when we're actually having a conversation?"
What? What was he talking about?
More importantly...WHAT WAS HE DOING HERE!?
When he finally came to a stop a meter in front of me, he looked down at me angrily. His hairstyle only made his features more severe.
"What do you have to say in your defense?" he hissed at me.
I heard whispering behind me, from students who are probably all watching us.
"My vacation was over..." I simply replied to Yeonjun and his eyebrows only furrowed further down. "Our conversation wasn't over yet!" he continued, while I turned around to identify the whispers.
Before I could even make out the faces whispering above us, I felt a large hand on my forearm, jerking me forward.
I made a surprised sound as I was pulled along by Yeonjun. All the way he came.
"Yeonjun! Let go of me! What do you want-"
"Shut up!" He growled. It was clear in his voice that he was angry.
What about? Probably because of the very same reasons that had kept me up at night.
"Where are you going?" I grumbled as I stumbled after him, trying to free myself. He didn't give me an answer and the more I struggled, the tighter his grip became.
"Yeonjun, you're hurting me!" I whined, when I had no choice but to follow him without protest. We left campus quicker than expected and walked through the university parking area.
Yeonjun was an idiot, someone who annoyed me whenever he could, but he was never angry. Seeing him like this now was strangely cold and unfamiliar. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit afraid.
Somehow I also felt bad because I knew that I was the source of his anger.
Yeonjun pulled me to a dull gray mid-size Mercedes and finally let me go.
"Hop in!" He prompted and we exchanged a look.
"Why? Do you want to kidnap me now?" I asked and Yeonjun came dangerously close to me.
"I swear, if you keep having such a big mouth, I'll actually do this." He whispered angrily and his eyes flashed evilly at me. I had to swallow.
I didn't seem to have a choice, or at least that's what his sharp eyes told me. My eyes wandered to the car, which appeared to be his.
I had known Yeonjun for ages...but murder or kidnapping were the crimes I would never trust him to commit. He had never physically hurt me.
I exchanged a look with Yeonjun again before giving in and walking around the car to sit in the passenger seat.
Without saying a word we both got into the car and Yeonjun started it afterwards.
"Where are we going?" I asked cautiously as Yeonjun pulled out of the parking lot. His gaze was fixed on the road. He doesn't say a word.
I started chewing on my bottom lip and playing with the belt around my waist.
Man! Like this I had never seen Yeonjun before. Not even in our nastiest arguments.
I had been feeling guilty ever since the day we were at the dance studio.
But what did he expect from me?
I was just trying to do the right thing by avoiding him and the whole sexual tension between us.
"We're going to my apartment to finish what we started once and for all!" Yeonjun suddenly broke the silence. My eyes went to him. His gaze was still fixed on the street.
What...we started...?
Oh God! No! He couldn't really be serious about that.
"Yeonjun-"
"I don't want to hear anything! You wouldn't believe how shitty I've felt these last few days! Think what you want of me - but you brought this on yourself!" He interrupted me as he turned into a street.
"Yeonjun, you can't really be serious! I know I acted like shit, but let's sort this out in peace!" I tried to dissuade him from his crazy thoughts.
"SORT THIS OUT?!" He exclaimed, so loudly that I flinched. His eyes flicked to me briefly. A look that could have killed me.
"Fuck! Do you think I want to discuss with you what has happened and will happen now!?", He asked angrily as he turned into an underground parking lot: "Do you have any idea how fucking angry I am right now?!"
"That's precisely why...we shouldn't...finish...what we started..." I muttered sheepishly as I slumped in my seat. My voice became shaky.
Then nothing came from Yeonjun. I thought about what I could say to change his mind.
Should I just run away? Scream?
"You want to talk?" Yeonjun asked as he turned off the engine and finally turned to me. I looked at him, probably like an injured deer that didn't know where to hide.
"Then talk! You have 30 seconds before I throw you over my shoulder and show you how angry I really am!" he growled. It was probably the last shred of common sense in him.
Shit! But why didn't I just think of anything?
His sharp eyes cut my heart like a blade. The energy he radiated suppressed me, kept me small and my mouth closed.
"Time is ticking!" Yeonjun growled again and I gulped as I looked away from him and stared at the car's handbrake.
Say something Sumi! Say something!!!
"I'm sorry." I said sheepishly and forced myself to look up at him.
The last thing I wanted was to end up in bed with him again. Somehow I had to find a way out of this that would get me back to university.
Yeonjun features actually relaxed, if only for a few split seconds.
"That is the least!" He growled again and I felt my eyes start to burn.
Oh no! No! Get yourself together Sumi! You won't cry now!
I quickly averted my gaze from Yeonjun's fiery eyes.
"I don't know why I even got involved in this. I'm so sorry I gave you the wrong impression.", I raised my eyes to him again, "You're right...I...I liked it. It was consensual. But we both know how wrong that is. Please-"
"Fuck the hell! Who says it's wrong?! We're both damn adults! I don't let my parents tell me what's right and wrong anymore, you shouldn't either!" Yeonjun interjected. His words sounded so sincere that I felt like his anger would be calmed by those words. I looked at him for a few moments. My vision began to blur, another sign of approaching tears.
His words were justified. His feelings were valid...I felt guiltier by the second.
"Okay, I...I have a question for you! Do you hate me?" Yeonjun asked, his eyes visibly softening.
Without blinking, I felt a tear fall from my left eye.
Did I hate him? Well of course...I was raised to hate him. He made my whole life difficult...since then.
"We've known each other forever! Now tell me...when exactly did I give you a reason to hate me?"
"My whole life..."
"No!", Yeonjun raised his hand and closed his eyes for a moment, "Tell me about an event!"
His eyes rested on me again, while the next tear fell from my eyes. I hated the feeling when someone was angry because of me.
"Tell me about an event!" Yeonjun repeated as I wiped my eyes.
"You...stole my lunch for half a year in first grade." I began with a shaky voice.
"Because I saw that the boys in your class spit in your lunch box and smeared boogers." Yeonjun said immediately.
My gaze suddenly snapped up to him.
"What?"
"They stole your lunch box from your backpack." He explained further.
I just winked at him. Was he telling the truth?
"Name something else!" he asked me.
"You...signed up to the same dance club as me just to annoy me." I continued to list.
"The boys in the club were in my class, I heard how they wanted to sabotage you and laugh at you just because you were European...and they were racist."
My eyebrows furrowed.
What? His answers came so quickly that he couldn't have made them up just now.
"We argued every day." I continued to list.
"Think about it...you always started. You never gave me a chance to talk to you normally."
"The nickname, potato."
"You call me an asshole and an idiot... I still think potato is nice."
Then there was silence. I just looked into Yeonjuns eyes, which had softened. His answers were honest but I still couldn't understand what they meant.
"Even that in the hotel now...it wasn't to annoy you or to humiliate you...I've never done anything in my life to block you or humiliate you or keep you down. I made sure that there's only one problem in your life and I took the burden that I would be that problem because...because I have never hated you and will never really hate you. I know you do and the more time passes, the more it becomes my problem...because I just don't want to be...your problem anymore. It is enough for me! It's really enough for me that our parents want to tell us what's right and it's enough for me that you think I'm your problem. I don't want to be anymore...because what we...God damn it! It felt right, okay?! So stop hating me." Yeonjun finished his little speech, which I found difficult to follow.
We looked at each other for a while before my head slowly began to understand. Shortly afterwards, Yeonjuns hand found itself over mine, which was still hanging on my belt.
"Stop hating me, Sumi." Yeonjun whispered. The hope in his voice made my heart skip a beat.
He was serious. I didn't believe he was lying to me...oh nonsense, I've never been so sure that he was so honest ever before.
"Yeonjun..." I started and his gaze returned to me, "I'm telling you, if you're joking right now...it's not funny!"
I left a trailing laugh in my voice to let him know I kind of believed him. Yeonjun started to smile. His warm hand over mine was incredibly calming and comforting.
"I'm dead serious." He confirms to me.
Now I had to start smiling.
"If you promise me that you won't finish what we started upstairs, I'll come with you and we can talk more." I suggested.
Yeonjun seemed to be weighing his options in his head. Finally he let go of my hand and opened the driver's door.
"Then come!" He asked me and got out. I only stayed behind for a short time before I unbuckled myself and got out, too.
*
Yeonjun had disappeared straight into the kitchen when he led me to his apartment on the 6th floor of the 10 floor high building. "You're welcome to look around, I'll make the tea." He called out to me.
However, I stood a little hesitantly in the entrance area of his apartment. I never thought I would ever end up here. This was Yeonjuns apartment.
As soon as he opened the door, I was hit by his smell, which I could never sort out anywhere but it was always somehow pleasant. The apartment was bright, thanks to the floor-to-ceiling windows that you could see as soon as you entered the apartment. However, you had to walk down a small staircase before you got to the level, which gave you access to a small balcony.
I hesitantly walked down the stairs and looked around curiously. Yeonjuns decorating style was surprisingly clean and modern.
The dining table and a small sofa were framed by two large plants. A TV on a modern dark wood TV stand on the wall that interrupted the windows and formed the corner of the room. There was also a plant next to the television in front of the window and next to it there was a glass door that led to the balcony. The thin, light, transparent curtains are drawn everywhere, but still let enough light into the apartment. Due to the small height difference between the entrance and kitchen to the dining/living room. The ceiling only started at a height of four meters. This made the room seem surprisingly large. From down here you could see the rather large kitchen further up through a glass wall, which also made the room appear more open. However, the light tiled floor seemed a bit cold and gave me the feeling of laying out a nice carpet. There were two doors to my left, but I didn't want to enter them without permission. Behind them was a dark wooden sideboard with a large stereo system on it and an abstract picture above it. I was really surprised by the beautiful interior design style.
"Have you looked around?" I heard Yeonjun behind me. I turned to him. He held two cups in his hand, which were slowly steaming. Yeonjun placed the cups on the dining table and then looked at me expectantly.
"Is this your first apartment?" I asked and Yeonjun briefly looked around his apartment: "Yes, why?"
I shook my head: "Your family really doesn't know what to do with all the money."
Yeonjun started laughing: "Why?"
"This is the best first apartment I've ever seen!" I admitted and Yeonjun pulled back a chair before sitting on it.
"Do you like it?" He asked and I dared to sit down next to him.
"Yeah! I mean..." I stretched my arms up and looked around.
Yeonjun laughed slightly again, "Yeah, it's not bad."
Then there was a moment of silence in which Yeonjun pushed my cup towards me and I took a sip.
"So...do you believe me?" Yeonjun asked after what felt like an eternity.
I looked at him for a while before looking at my cup again.
What he said in the car sounded sincere, it was probably the most sincere thing I had ever heard coming out of his mouth.
He was right that what happened in the hotel felt right. It felt good to test the bans and it felt good to let myself go. My body had decided it was right, before my head turned on again and it got wrong.
"Yes." I admitted and looked back at Yeonjun, who soon smiled crookedly at me.
"You still hate me?" He asked and now I smiled crookedly.
"Yeonjun, even though I agree with you that our parents tell us what's wrong and what's right and that you never wanted to be my problem, I still grew up hating you. I can't snap my fingers and suddenly like you." I explained, now it was Yeonjun who looked at his cup.
"Still...", I began, fiddling with the rope of my tea bag, "...Hate is a big word. Maybe we can agree on a more harmless word."
Yeonjun and I simultaneously looked up from our cups and into each others eyes.
"Maybe...I don't know." I started to find a word for what he was to me.
Yeonjun smiled: "I don't care what I am to you, as long as you don't hate me completely anymore I'm fine."
We started laughing slightly again. Afterwards, I took another sip of my tea, which Yeonjun did the same. It tasted sweet and calmed me down further.
"Are you still angry?" I asked after swallowing my tea.
Yeonjun shrugged and nodded shortly after.
Oh man! How was I supposed to make this up to him? It seemed like I had hurt him a lot.
"How can I make it up to you?" I asked and Yeonjun studied my face.
"When is your first class tomorrow?" He asked and a big question mark appeared in my brain.
"At 9, why?"
"Then spend the night here today!" He said and my eyebrows raised of their own accord.
"Yeonjun...I'm trying to avoid being in bed with you again-"
"I didn't talk about that. You should just spend some time with me." He said and I looked at him questioningly.
"I think you have ulterior motives."
"I do have, but I won't force you."
I looked away.
Was that really a good idea? Probably not...but the idea that he was still angry because of me was bad, either.
"Even if we don't do anything sexual, it would be nice to have you here."
My gaze returned to Yeonjun.
"Why?"
"Because I still feel responsible."
I looked him over.
Should I trust him? More importantly - should I trust myself? After all, I always got involved with him pretty quickly.
"Not a singel touch! - Then I'll stay." I made my demands.
"I can't promise that."
"Yeonjun..."
"Okay okay...fine! I'll hold back."
"Thanks!"