The One's Left Behind

Graduation

Today was the day that I had to deliver a speech about Waverly. Why not have the girl whose best friend died deliver a speech about her? She knew her best, she was most effected. If she can deliver a speech about how she got on with her life then this senior class can do anything, they'll never have a reason to complain.

I call bullshit.

I'm still effected. I can't get over it. Everyday I wake up and for a moment I don't remember anything...until it all comes rushing back. Each and every day I'm reminded she's gone. I always seem to remember right as I'm picking up my phone, ready to call her and ask when she's picking me up. But then I remember. You'd think I'd understand by now, huh?

The reactions are always different. It started off with me having panic attacks - I was always petrified of going through the rest of my life without her. After a few months or so, I was just a ball of tears. It was pathetic, but I couldn't stop. Then my reactions became numb. It wasn't acceptance, but it was no longer a form of denial. I was just kind of there.

Recently, though, I pick up the phone, dial her number, and listen to her voicemail. It kind of helps to get me through the day - a form of energy, if you will. I suppose her parents and siblings do the same thing since her number is still programmed. It helps to comfort us all. Even though everyone grieves in their own way, this is the one way where we're all on common ground.

Anyways, graduation is going to suck. If I was a normal teenager, I'd be pumped to get out of there. But everything just reminds me that I'm alone.

Once Waverly was gone, I became the weird loner girl that everyone felt sorry for but no one talked to. Not that I blamed anyone, I was an unpleasant person to be around. Josh tried to stay my friend, but due to his participation in the circumstances - even though I now know it wasn't actually his fault - I hated him. So I avoided him so that that I wouldn't attack him out of anger. Yeah, it was that bad.

But I knew I should've welcomed his company. He was grieving like me, and I think we just needed each other to get through the tough times. I wish they had asked him to write the speech, but I was the unlucky one.

_______________________________

"You're going to do fine," my mom reassured me as we walked into the stadium full of my fellow classmates.

I sighed. "I know. I'm just afraid I won't do her justice," I admitted.

"Nonsense, you knew her better than anyone."

"But her parents are going to be here and what if-"

"No, no what ifs. You're going to do amazing, I have faith in you. If you need any help, I'll be sitting right over there, just look at me."

I took a deep breath, nodded, and walked to join my classmates.

"Oh, and sweetie?" she called after me.

I turned around and raised an inquiring eyebrow.

"Today's about you, too."

With a small smile in my mom's direction, I continued towards my class, ready to have this day come to an end.

"You ready to give a killer speech?" Alex, one of the people who tried talking to me, asked.

I smiled at him. "Killer? I'm not sure about that, but I hope it'll amount to what everyone is expecting."

He nodded. "Good luck."

I took my spot in line and waited for everything to be over. When we walked in, my eyes were straight ahead. When we sat down, my eyes were straight ahead. As I got called up for my speech, my eyes were straight ahead. But as I stood there, my eyes wandered to the empty seat next to mine.

I ditched the boring and respectful speech I had written out, and I just went with it. I talked like I used to talk to her. Like she was actually there, in that seat, listening to every word that left my mouth.

"Many of you knew Waverly," I began. "You knew her as the social butterfly of us two, the drama fanatic, the genius, sometimes she was referred to as the girl attached to my hip. Of course, to me, she was more than that. She was the sister that didn't share my blood, the sister who listened to me drone on and on about my insecurities, and the sister who I fought with more times than I can count.

"I know she wanted to be here today. Even as a freshman all she could talk about was graduation and senior year. She wanted to get out of here, go to Julliard, become an actress, and do as much as she could in the time she was allotted. Who knew it would be so much shorter than any of us thought?

"What you may think is that she was a life lost, one to be grieved. But what I think is that her life should be cherished. She would go out of her way to help a friend or family member. When she loved, she loved with her whole being. It was one of the things I had always admired and been envious of, which she always told me that my qualities were better than hers. But now I know that our qualities weren't better than the other's. They complemented each other.

"So basically, my parting advice to you - whether you choose to heed it or not - is not to compare or contrast yourself to others. And I know you hear this so much that it's begun to get old, but take this advice. I spent so much time trying to be like Waverly, that once she was gone, I didn't know who I was. Without her, I was nothing. There was no one I could mold my life after. So for the past year, I've been lost. It's taken me a lot longer to find myself than it should have. Don't try to be the perfect person in other people's eyes, be the perfect person in your eyes because the only person you should ever want to be perfect for is yourself."

With my eyes still on Waverly's chair, I made my way off the stage and to the empty seat beside hers, where I belonged. I drowned out the thundering, standing ovation, the whistles, and the pats on my back from fellow graduates. All I focused on was getting to my chair and letting what I said sink in. Because, now, I really needed to believe it.