Secrets hurt

Ch 5

Why?

Wasn't living his trauma once enough? Why did his mind have to constantly torture him with memories?

Dick had come back to reality lying on the roof. How he'd gotten there was a mystery to him, but judging from the angle he'd been lying at and the tingling feeling under the skin of his knees and palms he'd been lucky he hadn't fallen off.

The sun was higher in the sky, leaving him to wonder how long he'd been locked away in his memories.

Not quite feeling like going back inside, Dick just sat, swinging his legs back and forth off the edge of the roof.

It was Tim who eventually found him.

After clambering up onto the roof he held out a bagel as if it were some sort of a peace offering. "Thought you might be hungry," he said.

Dick took the offered bagel, mumbling a quiet thanks before taking a bite.

"They're all looking for you you know," Tim said after a moment.

Guilt gnawed at Dick's heart, the bits of bagel he'd eaten feeling like stones in his stomach.

"Not that you can't have time to be alone," Tim hastily added. "I totally understand wanting to be alone... We were just worried is all."

Dick started at his feet... was that really what he wanted? Time alone?

Tim's arm hesitantly wrapped around Dick's waist, pulling him into a side hug.

Dick's breathing faltered for a second before he melted into the hug... one of the first he'd received in over seven years. This was more what he wanted... love, security. "Just needed a second to clear my head," he replied softly. "Sorry to worry you all."

Tim didn't say anything, keeping his arms looped around his new maybe brother.

Dick rested his chin on top of Tim's head. "Thanks Timmy," he mumbled.

The two stayed like that for a long moment before Tim spoke again. "We should probably let the others know you're alright," he said. "Bruce was going crazy looking for you."

Dick breathed in a shaky breath and scooted away from his brother, finding a good handhold on the roof and swinging down to climb back into his bedroom's window.

Tim followed a moment later, following the acrobat down to the Batcave where Bruce was hunched over the computer.

"Bruce?" Dick called, his voice quavering more than he'd have liked.

Bruce spun around in his chair, jumping up and running to his son.

Dick shied away, scared of the reprove he feared was coming.

Instead, strong arms wrapped around him, Bruce's relief nearly palpable as he held his son. "I thought I'd lost you again," he said.

"I'm sorry," Dick mumbled. "I didn't mean to make you worry."

Bruce squeezed him a little tighter before letting him go, holding him at arms length. "What's wrong?" He asked when he saw the tears gathering in Dick's eyes.

Dick swiped away the tears. "B-bad dreams," he mumbled, turning away.

Bruce's brow furrowed. "I... I know I was never really there for you... when you were... well... before. But I want to be there for you now. If there's anything you want to talk about... I'm here," he said.

Dick bit his lip, turning away. "I... I'll keep that in mind," he said quietly.

Bruce opened his mouth as if to press further, but closed it, simply nodding and letting Dick walk away.

—

Dick shut the door to his room softly, resting his forehead on the wood.

He squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip to keep it from trembling. His head was swirling, conflicting ideas and emotions battling within his skull.

The way Bruce had ran to him... the very real relief on the man's face when he'd heard his voice... it all contrasted so darkly with the man Dick remembered from years ago. The angry man who'd tried to cut him out of his life.

How could one person change so completely?

He didn't know how much of this seeming change he could trust... He'd given Bruce so many chances in the past...

Everything was so confusing... so complicated...

Dick walked over and flopped face first on his bed, tears pricking in his eyes. His body felt like a bag of led weights, and all he wanted to do was settle down for a nice long nap.

He knew, however, that any nap he took would be anything but nice.

'Need to... get up,' he thought to himself as his consciousness slowly began to drift away, sleep slowly taking hold of him.

—

Dick struggled as a gag was forced into his mouth, his head whipping back and forth to keep the masked men from shoving the cloth into his mouth.

He struggled against the hands trying to hold him down, breath becoming slightly more erratic as his limbs were strapped down, the momentary distraction enough for the men to successfully gag him.

Another bone white mask entered the room, the woman wearing it pushing a tray in front of her.

She took a seat next to the chair Dick had been strapped to, opening up a disinfectant wipe and rubbing it over Dick's wrist.

Dick wanted to move, to struggle or even flinch away as the woman grabbed his wrist and started marking permanent lines on it, ink being stabbed into his skin.

He found, however, that he couldn't. He was frozen, the fear of the needles that were carelessly strewn on the tray rendering him unable to move... unable to stop the court from permanently marking him as theirs.

—

Dick shot up in bed, his chest heaving. His gaze immediately falling to his wrist... the one they'd marked. He drew the sleeve's loose fabric back with one shaking hand, relief washing over him when he saw the unmarked skin.

A twinge of phantom pain shot up his arm as he remembered the pain of carving the tattoo off of his wrist...

Light tapping on his door, drew Dick's attention to what had probably awakened him in the first place.

"Come in," he called, deliberately slowing his breathing as he smoothed his mussed curls out of his eyes.

"Taking a nap?" Jason asked with a grin as he walked into the room.

Dick huffed. "Something like that," he said with a forced smile.

Jason looked at the acrobat for a long moment. "You want to come on patrol?" He eventually asked.

Dick felt his chest tighten with panic. "I... I think I'm good for today... Should probably get some more rest," he said, trying his hardest to seem nonchalant.

"Aiight," Jason said, bobbing his head and turning to leave.

Dick fell back onto his bed, squeezing his eyes closed and trying and banish the images his nightmare had left in his haunted mind.