Shiny Demon

Mostly I'm at Sea

The taxi cut through street after street of cream coloured houses with peach thatched roofs. Through the open window, warm air carried the smell of citrus trees, the salt from the nearby ocean, and sunscreen. Everything about it carried a flavor of hope and possibility.

That taste mingled with the words fizzing on Stevie's tongue. All the words she wanted to say to Seb. For a year she had been talking to him in her head. Apologizing. Telling him how much she missed him. Hoping he was okay and happy. Now she was actually doing something about it.

After this, there would be no going back. No more daydreaming about what he might do or say. It left a tiny aftertaste of bittersweetness in her hope, but even that was welcome. One way or another, there would be a resolution to all the wondering.

For maybe the hundredth time in the past month, Stevie opened Genevieve's Instagram account and scrolled through the pictures. She had needed to desensitize herself to the view of Viv and Seb together so she could handle seeing them in real life. Viv was more active in her stories than posts these days, so she had to go a bit far back to find pictures of them together but in the ones she could find like this one, they looked happy. Which was good. She wanted him to be happy.

She traced her finger over one photo of them at some event. Seb had his arm around Viv's waist, his long fingers curved delicately against her hip. His face half lifted into a reluctant smirk. A curve of the lips that said, I'm not one for pictures, but for you, I'll suffer through it.

A sharp truth lodged itself uncomfortably between her ribs. She'd wanted to be the one he made exceptions for.

A key part of your journey is communicating your romantic feelings for him. Her therapist said it, over and over. But Stevie couldn't do it. It wasn't right to burden him with that when he was happily in love with someone else.

It was her problem to solve. Not his.

"Here we are," the driver announced. The car stopped in front of a massive yacht that bobbed gently in the glittering water. AJ and Lily, both looking very tan and very blonde, were pulling their luggage up a large ramp, chatting happily. She'd forgotten how vibrant everyone on the show was. They stood out from the rest of the world with their vivid beauty and big personalities. She couldn't imagine any of them in her home town. They were too bright. Too otherworldly. Her small town just couldn't hold them. Except Seb. She'd imagined him there by her side many times.

Her eyes skittered around anxiously, searching for any sign of him. She couldn't shake the fear that he wouldn't show up, and she'd have flown all this way for nothing. Not to mention she'd be trapped on a boat with too many people she had complicated relationships with, and no clue as to how they'd react to seeing her.

She rubbed her clammy hands on her thighs. There was no reason to worry about Seb not showing up. Doom & Gloom had been promoting their special Boat Party episodes for weeks now. He would be there.

Honestly, if anyone was a flight risk, it was her. And there was a tiny voice in the back of her head reminding her that this was her last chance to leave and get off mostly scott free.

The driver cleared his throat, breaking her train of thought and she gave an apologetic laugh. She was tired of the half-life of constantly running away. Never fully facing anything because she was always avoiding a look and skirting away from a feeling. She wanted to take things with Seb head on, whatever the cost.

After paying the fare and lugging her bag out of the back seat, she took a deep breath and headed up the ramp. She hefted the duffel over her shoulder and followed the sound of AJ's bouncy voice.

As she entered the doorway at the top of the ramp, the change of light engulfed her. She took a few hesitant steps forward, letting her eyes adjust to the dimness.