clustered works

Battlefield

(posted on Facebook)

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'It sucks to be stuck in the same cycle.' I thought while singing a Christian Song. I then lay out my plan for tomorrow, excluding the one that I do most of the time.

As I was humming a song, a question blew me out, 'Where are You?' I stopped myself. I shouldn't ask that. I should ask myself, right?

Tomorrow, I will read my Bible and Pray. This should help me with temptation. I will not fall again nor watch and read things I shouldn't read. This will be the last and I will mark this day as the end.

I prayed, thanking Him for all the things that He did for me. I am trying to imagine what He went through to save me. With that, I am more guilty for what I did. He go through it all to save a sinner like me, yet I still do the things He told me not to do. How pathetic am I?

At this point, I just want to close all doors and isolate myself with the darkness, he never left me—no, I shouldn't think of it, this is wrong. Darkness is not real, the Light however is in front of me. How can I close the door when I dont have one? I am vulnerable that is why I need a protector and savior. I shouldn't be blinded by my thoughts or be deaf by my words.

But if I don't have a door, then how can a Light go through it? I am going to suffocate because of the darkness, am I going to live with them? If so, then how will I handle such Light?

But I should not think nor question things. I am here to trust not to doubt.

But how can I know which is which? How can I know I am going on the same path as Him?

Asking is an act of doubting. Quit asking and trust.

But, I want answers.

You will get an answer when you will learn to wait. And how can you find an answer when you go out sinning, doing stuff you shouldn't be doing? And now you demand an answer? Aren't you being so brat?

My mind stopped arguing when I saw the video running on my phone. It was a couple doing 'that' thing. How did I ended up in here? Why did I not flee? What happened to my plan? What have I done? Where am I? If I don't have a door, then why am I locked in here?

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