British Comedy Imagines

"Not Even For Rowan Atkinson." (James Acaster)

James had been in a strange mood all day. He played it off whenever you asked, albeit unsuccessfully, and you were secretly starting to worry. What was wrong?

You were now making yourself a drink to sit in front of the television with, having offered to make James one as well. He'd claimed he was fine, so you left him to it.

You flicked it on, placing your drink down and running through the channels. You ended up putting on QI, though on that particular night it was only showing reruns of the really old Stephen Fry episodes, with Hugh Laurie and Bill Bailey and such on them. You didn't mind all that much, but you much preferred the newer episodes, despite the bias that came with that decision considering that James was often a panellist.

As you watched, you heard footsteps rushing down the stairs. It could only be James and you began to wonder if he'd changed his mind about that drink offer. He sped into the room, barely stopping to catch his breath before he spoke.

"Look, I know this is random-"

"Babe!" You laughed. "Catch your breath."

He took a deep breath before repeating his half-finished sentence. "Look, I know this is random. Like, really, really random, but I have a question."

"Go on." You said, hoping he was finally going to admit what was on his mind.

"Would you ever leave me, Y/N?"

"What?!"

"You heard me." James said, deadly serious.

"Of course I wouldn't, sweetheart." You said, shuffling over so he could sit next to you. "What makes you think that?"

"Not even for a really famous actor?" He asked, ignoring your question. "Like..."

You knew exactly who he was going to suggest.

"...Rowan Atkinson?"

"Not even for Rowan Atkinson, love." You said, snaking an arm around his waist.

Now, this may seem like a silly question to ask or a highly illogical scenario to imagine, but to you it made perfect sense. Before he'd met you, James had been in a relationship with another woman who left him suddenly after a few months of apparent strain in their relationship. James had been living with her, so he ended up on his friends and fellow comedians Ed Gamble and Nish Kumar's doorstep. He was just getting over it when he discovered she was now dating Rowan Atkinson, which made him very angry and insecure. It seemed to destroy his inner confidence and it wasn't until he met you that it seemed to slowly come back. Yet every now and then, he'd have days like this where he'd still feel that littlest bit of insecurity come creeping back in.

"You promise?" James asked with a slight sniffle.

"I promise." You said, playing with his hair.

He rested his head on your shoulder, looking down at the floor as if it was a never ending void he wanted to crawl into. He blinked a few times, his vision quickly blurring the metaphorical void.

"Are you sure?" He asked suddenly.

You gave him a reassuring squeeze. "I'm sure, sweetheart."

"Sure you're sure?"

"Absolutely sure I'm sure." You said, planting a kiss on his forehead.

"It's just, I know I'm not exactly him or anything, I'm just a silly, irrelevant comedian at the end of the day, but I really, really love you." He said without missing a beat. "And I know I'm not exactly the best at life stuff, or keeping it together, or stupid things like making a simple cup of tea, and I'm manically obsessed with my comedy and I have to tour all the time and I seem like - and probably am - a bit of a nutter, especially on the telly, but..."

You knew he was going to cry, you could feel it building up inside of him.

"...I honestly love you more than life itself and I just want to make sure you feel the same." He whispered, his feelings threatening to spill over. "I don't want to be stuck in a love that doesn't exist, so please..."

A tear trickled down his cheek. "...tell me you love me."

You brushed it away with your thumb, kissing him gently. "You, James Acaster, mean more to me than life itself."

His mouth opened to ask if you were telling the truth, but it quickly closed again as you continued.

"I love you more than anything and anyone, the moon, the stars, chocolate, Dip Dabs, Eton Mess, pretty much any food you could think of quite frankly, even galaxy..."

A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"What I'm trying to say is James, that woman doesn't know what she's missing, and no matter how cool she might find falling in love with the guy who plays Mr. Bean, she's worse off for loosing you." You said, holding him close. "Though I suppose that's not entirely true, because that means I get the full James Acaster experience - the best thing anyone could possibly give."

He'd rested his head back on your shoulder again, a patch of tears having formed on your shirt sleeve.

"Oh sweetheart, please don't cry." You whispered, but when you looked down he was properly smiling.

"I really am stupid, aren't I?" He asked with a pathetic sounding laugh.

"Of course you aren't, love." You said, holding him tightly. "Everyone feels a little insecure once in a while."

"Well I must've sounded like it." He said, sitting up. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright!" You insisted, kissing him.

When your lips parted, you dried the lingering tears from his cheeks as he smiled at you.

"Well that's a relief." He said, as if he hadn't just been pouring out his insecurities to you.

You laughed, brushing some hair out of his eyes. "There's the James I know and love."

"In the flesh!" He exclaimed. "Now can I have a drink? I'm gasping for one."

"Of course." You said. "Come on."

So you went to the kitchen to do just that, happy that the James you loved was back for the time being. But if and when that sense of anxiety did come creeping back in again, you were always content to reassure him that you were in it for all the right reasons. You were in it for the long haul, always and forever.

******

Ow, my heart! I love James so much, that ex girlfriend of his is really missing out 🥲❤️ it's such a strange story that isn't it, how a comedian that made so many people's childhoods ended up going out with the girl that used to go out with the comedian that is making so many modern childhoods! But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this as always and I'll see you in the next one! Love you lots my darlings ❤️