The Lambs

13. The Dark Order

May 21st 1999

The sounds coming from Remus' tent were heart-wrenching.

Over the past day, Remus had refused continuously to turn back into a human. Even after the moon had first set, he steeled himself against the change, and his grief and his rage made him strong enough to resist. The wolf trembled, crying out loudly, shaking its head violently from side to side if any of the Pack tried to approach him.

Harry sat with his legs pressed against his swollen stomach as he huddled in the corner of the tent. He watched his godfather, his green eyes glassy from crying. Soft whimpers left his own throat; Remus' pain called to him and he felt the other wolf's emotions rise up within him as well. He was Pack, they all were. They were meant to share burdens, but Remus wouldn't let them. Remus wouldn't let them help. And it was hurting Harry.

Harry had refused to see Fenrir. The Alpha had come back alone long after most of the Pack had returned from looking for Ginny and Bellatrix. Neither had been found yet, but Harry insisted that Fenrir go back out looking. Fenrir had wanted to stay with his pregnant mate, but when the wolf had said as much, Harry had flinched. Listening to Remus howl, as he listened in on the others' conversation, made Harry's chest hurt.

It had been raining continuously since the moon had set. Around the time Lily arrived back at Hogwarts, lightning had lit up the sky, and it continued to flash angrily even now. Some of the Pack worried that it might be Harry. His grief, his anger, his hatred could be causing his magic to go out of control, and they feared what that would mean for his pregnancy. But Harry knew he was fine. And the Alpha and the two Betas knew better anyway. While they were worried about Harry, and Remus, they knew it was Lily's anger that was lighting up the sky, and not the King's.

Harry had overheard Charlie talking to Pansy. They had stopped just outside of the tent's entrance, spoken for a moment as they debated whether or not to enter, and then they had turned away. The Alpha had his own tent, and the two Betas shared theirs with each other and their mates. But Charlie wasn't quite comfortable bringing his mate into the same tent as Remus, a wolf whose mate had just been murdered. Charlie had been telling the blond about the attack, about all of the previous attacks, and Fenrir's attempts to kidnap Harry, and about Peter Pettigrew and Lily Potter.

Peter had wanted to kill him. Harry had come to terms with that, and he had gotten over it. Peter was a fool, he always had been, and Harry had never been that fond of him at any rate.

But Lily?

His mother had killed his father! She had murdered the King. But could it really be murder? She hadn't meant to kill James, it had been a mistake and Harry supposed that he could forgive her for that. After all, everyone made mistakes, and that was something that made you human. Only horrible people would refuse to forgive someone for making a mistake. Lily hadn't done anything wrong in the months since James death. Harry wanted to think the best of his mother, he wanted to trust and love her as unconditionally as he had done when he was a child. He wanted her to love him again; he wanted them to be a family. But was that possible, now that his father was dead? He had his own child on the way, and a mate who loved him: Harry had his own family now, did he really still need one that couldn't accept him for who he was?

Lily had been trying to kill Fenrir, and James had sacrificed himself to spare Harry the pain of losing his mate. His father's death was honourable, noble. If Harry spat in the face of it then it would be like saying that being with Fenrir wasn't worth it, that Fenrir being his mate and father of his child was worth less than the memory of his father. Not his father. Just the memory of someone who was no longer there, could no longer be there.

Was that fair?

Harry didn't want to regret his father dying. He had loved the man, and he would always miss him. And he was so grateful to James for finally accepting Fenrir as a part of Harry, and their child, and for allowing Fenrir to continue to live. He owed his father everything for protecting his family.