ep 2: friends (Complete)

V

Part Five: Friends
All the life we lived, now we're strangers again.
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The boys each finally came together after almost an hour in separate rooms as each of them had wanted to write their notes in private.

Liam had started crying writing his, and he had opened the window and looked to the sky, almost begging for a higher power to tell him how to find closure, how to help Zayn find closure.

As for Zayn, he ended up punching the wall halfway through writing his note, and after beating on a pillow for a while, he eventually ran out of anger and only had tears left. Those tears were long gone now though, now he's... empty. Again.

Harry hadn't experienced much as he wrote. He had already found his peace, and he mainly stared at the wall, thinking of his own way to leave this world, until he was sure he wasn't the first one coming back out.

Niall had felt complex as he wrote. He didn't know what to say. They had agreed that the notes would be a message to Louis, but he just... couldn't. All he could think to do was tell Louis about the mess he had left behind, about Niall's failed attempts at fixing it. He felt hopeless.

They had blown up the balloons before writing the notes. They were blue. The ribbon was purple. The same colors Louis' funeral had been.

The boys all felt empty. Hopeless.

They don't say a word to each other as they tie their notes to their balloons, and they silently look at each other before going outside.

"I can't believe it's over," Harry mumbles after being the first to let his balloon go.

"Really? Just like that? It's never gonna be over," Zayn bites back, holding his string tightly.

Niall sighs. There's nothing he can do about it. He let's go of his balloon without a word.

"Z?" Liam tries gently, and Zayn finds himself to not be fully out of tears. He doesn't respond to Liam.

Liam knows by now to leave it. Zayns gonna need time. He feels slightly bitter towards Louis once more before he takes a deep breath. As he releases his breath, he releases his string and all of his feelings to Louis. Harry's right, it is over. There's nothing more they can do.

They stay in the Tomlinson's backyard for another half hour. Harry is the first to leave, followed by Niall ten minutes later.

After another fifteen minutes, Liam receives a phone call. Zayn doesn't bother listening, not much is said anyway.

"Zayn?" Liam tries once more after hanging up. Zayn only looks at him, and finds Liam more defeated than he had been.

"Harry jumped off a bridge."

"Wimp."

"C'mon now, that's not fair. He's hurting."

"Not anymore."

"Zayn."

"Liam."

They stare at each other for a moment, and Liam shakes his head. He gives up and leaves the yard.

Zayn and his bright blue balloon are all that's left against the dying grass. He would find it humorous if he could find humor in anything.

"Surrounded by death, aren't I? Crazy that Harry's the one falling off a bridge. I'd jump too if I was that weak."

"You know me, right? You know that I am that weak? That I can't handle this?"

He wipes the tear falling down his face.

"I hate you for putting me through this. I hate myself for not being able to take it."

He stares at his balloon for another twenty minutes, eventually deciding he should have brought a jacket.

"I can't let it go."

His words are raspy and in a whisper. He can't.

"You've been there my whole life, how am I supposed to just-" he stops himself. He can't. He can't talk anymore.

He watches as the balloon floats away.

He stays in the yard for another hour, still watching the sky even after he can't see the balloon anymore.

And he doesn't bother going to Harry's funeral.

He can't.