An Unreal Life

3. The Downfall

I was up before the sun, did my morning routine, helped mammy in the kitchen. She also got ready for her work. I wore my college uniform, tied my hairs. Took my bag pack and stationery. We leave together in a haste. She got on her bus. I'm still waiting for the no.7, as the bus stopped, the crowd lined up to get on it. During the scuffle, I manage to get on the bus. And luckily got the seat at the last. I can see other girls of my college, chit-chatting with their friends all the way. To avoid them, I start scrolling the mobile screen. But since their conversation was a way too loud that I can't help but to put my ears on it.

After reaching the college, I make my way to the classroom. Seeing everybody laughing and gossiping with their friends, was making me feel out of the place. A girl in a group is looking at me. The moment I raise my hand to wave at her, she turns her head and goes away with her group. I feel just so humiliated. She's none other than my old schoolmate. And there are plenty of such.

This college was never my first choice. I didn't want to study here. If it wasn't about that incident, if it wasn't about mammy's health, I wouldn't choose to study here. Even I Got the admission offer from the universities I've applied for. If it weren't about the chaos at home, I would have been lucky enough not to see their faces every day. These students from my school reminds me every single minute about my failure and that embarrassment at school.

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Few years ago, at school

I was always a lonely girl at school. I didn't have many friends. But I was a bright student and always got good grades. I was neither good at sports nor at social skills nor at any curricular activities. But I've always got the attention of the teachers. Every teacher often praises me for my intellect, being obedient and attentive in class, and for not talking much. I was good at debate, quizzes, speech and such activities. Girls often envy me. So, they won't befriend me. I could only talk to very few students of my class.

I studied very hard for the 10th Board Exams. I was so punctual with my studies. But somehow, I couldn't make in top 3 despite getting a whole of 95%. That was the point which shatters my self-confidence. Because till now I've always got the 1st position. Afterwards, in spite how hard I tried; my grades were decreasing. Teachers began comparing me with other top students. Students start making bets who will come first this time. That was a such depressing period for me. In the next session, we were to choose our streams, and I was very clear about my goals. But the toppers began taking admissions to various coaching institutes for preparation of their respective competitive exams. And there was so many admissions that year. Those old students were not coming anymore. we were introduced to new teachers. I was lost in the crowd. The school buses were overcrowded, nobody would even give me a partial seat. Others would reserve the seats for their friends and siblings. I neither had any friend nor any sibling. I sometimes feel humiliated. Even girls from my class also asks me to sit somewhere else. I was stupid enough to help them with the class notes. Always sat alone in the bus as well in the classroom. Nobody, literally nobody would talk to me. I was not the topper anymore. The new teachers didn't notice me though my grades were not that bad just needed some improvement. Due to their unfriendly nature, I couldn't clear my doubts to them. I began to hate them for always giving Favors to their favorite student. At the coaching too, I was sided by everyone else cause I couldn't talk openly like others do.

I felt just so suffocated there. I wanted to escape from that negative atmosphere. So, I finally, decided to take a drop. Coming in the peer pressure, I made my mind to prepare for the exam, other toppers were preparing for. I convinced my parents for the same. Initially they and the teachers resisted me, but they all agreed seeing that I'm a capable student. I took admission in a renowned institute and began taking their Online classes. Since I joined in the middle of the term, I was facing problem to cope up with the syllabus. I couldn't understand the concepts at once. I was having problem in question solving. But seeing the others student performance, I began doubting myself. Seeing other students answering very actively, I hesitate to put up questions thinking teachers will scold me to ask such basic questions and students will laugh at me. I began skipping tests & doubt sessions. Starting from the scratch, I studied at my own pace. But I realized that I' m too far from the level of the exam. I was so depressed. I couldn't sleep properly.

I fear to tell my parents as they have invested such huge sum of money on my studies. The day of exam was approaching, and I tried best at my level. But to my disappointment, I couldn't qualify for the exam. I felt so dispirited and dejected.

To be Continued...........