Survivor

Hidden Away

TWO MONTHS LATER

It is now November. Things have been much harder these past few weeks. I had to say goodbye to my best friend and father of my child. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I haven't physically gone back to school. I am going remotely from home. I just can't stand the thought of walking the hallways, knowing Jamell should have been there, walking them too.

My ultrasound to find out the sex of my baby is in a few days, on November 27th, just before thanksgiving. I honestly don't know how to feel. My stomach is showing a good bit more, now that I am 4 months along.

I sit in my bedroom, watching the rain pour down outside my window, listening to it hit the gutters, as I wait for my teacher to get done grading my test. Once he grades it I will be done for the day. I hear a ding on my computer and see that my grade has been put in. I aced it, receiving a 100. I close my laptop, standing to my feet. I grab my burgundy shawl throwing it over my white tank top, with my black leggings. I grab my all black Jordan's throwing them on my feet. I grab my weed, papers, and lighter, making my way to the back patio. I take a seat in a chair that sits far enough back from the open yard so I don't get rained on. I begin rolling a joint, thinking about everything that has happened lately. Two of Jamell's people are dead. Thanks to Andre, the crew, and Zander. I hold slight resentment towards Zander though. He promised he wouldn't participate in the violence but he did, successfully killing one of them. I have been distant from him lately. I probably shouldn't be distant from him, I do still love him, I am still in love with him, but I don't think I need to continue to be attached if he is out there so often. I have to distance myself incase something does happen to him, so it won't hurt as bad.

And as bad as it sounds, it was relieving to know some of Jamell's people were dead. I want them all dead. Including his mother.

I try to distract my mind from thinking so negative. I pull out my phone and begin playing music as I continue to roll. Once I have my joint rolled, I stand up against the patio pole, lighting the joint. My mind continues to wander all over, as I hit the joint, rubbing my stomach every so often, listening to the rain pour down.

I hear the patio door slide open behind me. I don't turn around to see who it is. 

"Bria." I hear a soft voice. It's Alexis. I turn my head slightly and she steps up beside me. "How are you feeling today?" She asks. 

I hit the joint then pass it to her. "I'm okay." I say. 

"Zander is going to be back soon. He went to get us food. He was asking about you." She says. 

I nod taking the joint back from her as she holds it out. I begin to hit it again but almost drop it as I feel a slight movement in my stomach.

"Woah." I say looking down placing my hand on my stomach again. "What the fuck was that?" I say looking back up at Alexis.

"What? What is it?" She asks, eyes growing concerned. 

I feel it again, it feels like when you get butterflies in your stomach but 10 times more intense, because I can physically feel the flutters every few seconds. I walk back to the chair and put the joint out in the ash tray. 

"Come here." I say to Alexis. She steps closer and I grab her hand placing it just below my belly button, holding it in place.

Four flutters tap against my stomach and her eyes grow big. "Holy shit! Is that the baby?" She asks chills running up and down her arms.

"I think so." I say, feeling a couple tears escape my eyes. I place my hand beside hers. We hold it there for a minute and both feel the flutter kicks again. I look at her and see her crying herself now.