Survivor

Please Don't Leave

I hear the bedroom door open as I see Zander walk in closing the door behind him.

I look up at him as his eyes meet with mine.

"You 'ight?" He asks.

I shake my head no.

"I'm sorry for makin' it seem like I was throwin' off what you was saying earlier." He says.

"I know. I should be the one that is sorry for overreacting. I just hate when I am treated like I'm young and dumb. And sometimes you make me feel that way with things you say and then it makes me think to deep into shit." I say.

"What you mean?" He asks stepping closer to me.

"If you treat me like I am young and dumb then that makes me feel like that's how you look at me, which doesn't give me hope for being a good mother. Or girlfriend, or wife, or anything really. I don't know, it sounds like I am blaming you but I'm not trying too. I know it's not your intention to make me feel that way, I'm just trying to get used to how you really mean things." I say. "It's different than just knowing you as my step brother."

A small smile spreads across his face.

"Why are you smiling?" I ask, looking at him. 

He looks at me. "'Cause you are openin' up and talkin' to me 'bout how you feel." He says, sitting down beside me.

"I feel bad for opening up, because I am not blaming you. I need to control my own emotions." I say.

"I get you though." He says moving hair out of my face, behind my ear. "I needa do better 'bout listening to you. 'Cause you smart, very smart, streetwise and book wise." He says to me.

"What I did today was not smart by any means." I say standing from the bed.

I feel him grab my wrist softly pulling me back to stand in front of him, in between his legs.

"It won't smart but I see why you did it. I kept pushin' you without listening to what you had to say 'bout the situation. I was just shootin' you down 'cause of what I thought. That ain't fair to you." He says.

I look into his eyes, moving my left hand up to his face. I rub his cheek softly as he looks back at me.

"I don't care how mad you get at me, if you feel like you gotta leave just take someone wid you, even if it ain't me. Call Keenan, or Xavier, or somebody, just so I know you got some type of protection." He says voice soft as he wraps his arms around me.

"Okay." I say, leaning in to hug him as I wrap my arms around his neck.

I love his soul. It runs deeper than most people would think. Sometimes I wonder if it only runs that deep for me.

He pulls away from the hug, looking down at my stomach. "She moving 'round in there." He says smiling.

"Yeah she has been for a while now." I say rubbing where she is kicking.

He looks back up at me.

"You everythin' to me, you understand dat right?" He asks. His green eyes are so beautiful.

"Yeah." I say softly, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. "You are everything to me too. I appreciate everything you have done for me, and how you help me get through everyday, on this emotional roller coaster of mine, and this hellacious life of mine." I say smiling but crying softly.

He reaches his hand up and wipes my tears away. "No matter what happens wid us, whether we together or not, I will always be here for you. I need you to understand dat. Don't ever feel like you can't come to me for anythin'." He says.