i find myself running home to you

in search of escapism (you?) chapter 1

The sound of the distasteful alarm pierced through your ears as you tiredly grumbled and stirred awake, desperate to turn off the awful melody that's breaking the pleasant silence and echoing around the walls. You glanced at the time through your still droopy eyes, the brightness of it unpleasant in the gloom of your room, 6:00 glared back at you and you took a moment to glance out the window of your room. outside was matching the darkness of your room, it must've felt as chilly as it looks as you shivered unconsciously, but you were not as exasperated as you were earlier when you remembered what today was.

Today was the day you've been waiting for this whole year if you were being absolutely honest. This summer arts camp you've been pondering so much about since you saw the flyer being posted on your school's weekly bulletin board. The words 'summer art camp' and 'connecting with nature' captured your attention almost instantly and signed up without hesitation. the search for a great escape from your relentless parents for the summer was present, this was the gate to your escape, you went through it without looking back.

The journey and activities that were listed to do with a bunch of people your age, the mere aspect of summarising it in your head had you exhilarated and waited for what felt like an eternity for this day, it's finally here.

You snapped back to reality to get ready as this exciting experience awaits you. The appointed bus would arrive an hour prior, you'd have to leave earlier to make it in time. the idea of sitting in a bus for two hours sounded draining already, you weren't really bothered by it, more focused on getting ready to leave. You freshened up, tidied the room, checked your bags for the final time before leaving. Leaving for two months sounded sad only on the levels of leaving your cozy room, nothing more mattered to you. Perks of being a shy student, a speck of a wallflower radial to you, didn't gain you any best friend to magically appear into your life like you've hoped.

Solitude was healing, even therapeutic to you, albeit the loneliness it came with was all but pleasant. 6:42 beamed at you during the final checkups, you needed to leave now to make it in time for the bus. The feeling of eyes boring into the back of your skull made you turn, two pairs of neutral eyes scanned you. "We'll miss you a lot" voiced your dad, though there is truth and sincerity in that statement, you brushed it off as always. At the end it was all just words, it's always been just "words" to them.

The words that you perceived were fake hope, strength, courage still managed to stomp all over your heart over and over it's turned numb. Agitated you felt, when you felt yourself crumble for the millionth time with their words, learned trust wasn't of any use with them, when you actually tried opening up to them of one your many problems in life. you were expecting it, but it still hurt when they looked at you like you've grown two heads, redirecting the whole point of the conversation, when the realisation of the same words being thrown at you after you looked gloomy one dinner. "You can always tell us anything", "we're your parents, you should share things with us like normal kids do", these were replayed like a broken record to the point you've expected it.

You often wonder if you've done something that caused this, growing tired each passing day you just stopped entirely, you simply didn't care any longer. Any amount of effort or trying, ends up down the drain. A timid smile ghosted your lips, repeating the futile sentence back, a habit of theirs that you've unwillingly mastered. It's gotten effortless throughout the years, to say vague things, as long as it satisfies them. The brief hug was all but warm, tears stung your eyes as you rapidly blinked them back, guilt setting your heart heavy.

You grabbed your bags and disappeared out the door, one look at their faces would just trigger unwanted tears. You wanted to feel happy, having looked forward to this for months and shoved all the feelings down the familiar crate, which leads to forgetting about it, until it starves and withers away. Wasn't the best option, but one where you coped the best with. The sky was a transmission of blue, orange seeping its way as the sun started to rise. It was still a tad bit dark as you walked to the station but quiet with the cold wind kissing your face, relishing the peace it brought you. Having arrived on time, you sat on the bench and wandered lost in your thoughts.