Beauty in the cracks

Choices

Jungkook was discharged a day later, promising to eat and drink regularly so he didn't have to come back. Hoseok stayed overnight with him, and signed off on his paperwork, he held the door open for him and guided him to his car, he opened the door for him and waited until he was situated before he closed it softly. Jungkook felt bad. He felt like a burden, and he felt like he was causing trouble for Hoseok. 

He fiddled with the sleeves of his sweater and looked down at his lap “you okay?” Hoseok asked as he drove them towards Jungkook's apartment 

“I'm okay. I just feel bad that you're doing all of this for me” 

“Don't feel bad, I made this choice. You deserve people in your life who will choose you, Jungkook. Jimin, Tae, and I have chosen you, I'm sure when the time comes, your old friends will choose you too” 

“When the time comes..” he sighed out. He was determined to get out to fix his situation. He knew it wasn't right, and he knew he had to get out before it got worse “his trip was extended. He won't be home today. He's got two more days” 

“Look, if you don't want to sit down and talk to him face to face when he comes home, you can stay with me. I have a guest room, you can pack whatever you want and come stay with me. If you want to wait, and you want to talk to him, that's fine. That room is yours whenever you're ready” 

His eyes watered again “thank you. I'm going to wait and talk to him” 

“You're sure?”

“Yeah” he nodded and wiped the tear off his cheek 

Once Jungkook got home, he took a shower, changed into his pajamas, and made himself a small bowl of soup. He wasn't all that hungry, but he needed to eat, and he knew the soup would settle his stomach. Jimin stopped by later in the day to bring him his phone. He thanked him, but when Jimin tried to talk, Jungkook simply said ‘not right now’ and closed the door. 

He had a lot to think about. 

He sat on their bed and pulled up his pictures on his phone. He scrolled all the way through to the beginning of their relationship and smiled at how happy they looked. But he scrolled even further, pictures of him and his parents, of him and his friends.

He missed them. 

He looked so young, standing next to Namjoon and Seokjin. He smiled, thinking about what they were up to now… if they still thought about him. They stopped trying to reach out eventually, and he didn't blame them. He couldn't text them, couldn't hold a phone conversation, and eventually couldn't see them. 

He wouldn't think about him either. 

The more he sat and thought about it, the more he realized. Their relationship played out like a movie behind his eyelids, and all he could do was cry. He did this to himself, really. He felt them changing and stayed anyway. He lived in a bubble where he just allowed all of this to happen. He didn't even try to stop it, or he did. But only once and in the very beginning. He tried to argue that Namjoon was his best friend, and he should be able to talk to him whenever he wants. 

Shownu said Jungkook was cheating, he cried, he screamed, he threatened to leave if Jungkook didn't make a choice. He punched a hole in the wall by their bedroom door, and Jungkook wanted him to calm down, so he said it was fine. He said he was sorry.. looking back now, why did Jungkook apologize? He had done nothing wrong. But he still made that choice, one over the other. But Shownu was his fiancé, of course he chose him.

Maybe he deserves all of this. They were his choices, after all. His choice to stay, to cut everyone out. 

I did this to myself. 
I deserve this.