Beauty in the cracks

Vile and suffocating

Jungkook set himself up at Brewed Bliss alongside the big window that had caught his eye the last time he'd been there. He had pictured himself cozied up in one of his sweaters, sitting in front of the window, reading and basking in the sun.. now he was. He smiled as he sipped the latte Hoseok had sat down in front of him with a wink before he moved back behind the register to keep the line of customers moving. 

Hoseok wasn't lying, but that was okay. Jungkook actually enjoyed sitting in his little spot and reading as Hobi kept the pastries and coffee coming. He had tried to refuse after the second drink, but Hobi waved him off “Gotta make sure you're taken care of Koo” he smiled and walked away. Jungkook pretended the warmth on his cheeks was from the sun shining through the window. 

He would turn a page in the book he had picked up from one of the shelves on the wall and find himself sitting back to watch the way Hobi worked instead. How he treated the customers, his wide smile as he greeted them, and it never slipped from his face even when he had a complicated drink to make. Jungkook tried to read, really, but he started looking for Hobi after every other word he read, and ultimately, he couldn't remember the name of the damn thing anymore. 

He sat the book aside, rested his elbow on the table and put his chin in the palm of his hand, and watched. There was no point in trying to hide it. His eyes wandered everywhere as he watched the customers, but he still found Hoseok. 

Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok

Hobi. 

He sighed and forced himself to stare out of the window at the people walking by on the street. The more time he spent with Hoseok, the more he understood why Shownu chose him. How Shownu could fall so hard for the other man, he was genuinely a sweetheart, and Hoseok said Shownu didn't know that about him, but he must have because it would make perfect sense. And objectively, Hoseok was extremely attractive. Jungkook would be lying to himself if he said otherwise. 

He tried really hard not to compare himself to Hoseok, but he couldn't help it. Shownu had pushed Jungkook so far under water that he was afraid he'd never breathe air again. And Hoseok came along with a lifesaver and dived down to bring Jungkook back up, and all he could think about sometimes were the differences between them. Hoseok was beautifully tan, lithe, built, his face was perfect, his lips were beautiful, and when he laughed, especially that laugh that makes him throw his head back or his whole body shake.. Well, sometimes Jungkook feels breathless again, and it isn't water rushing into his lungs this time. 

When his thoughts seemed to wander down this particular path, it always left behind traces of guilt and anger. 

He shouldn't think about Hoseok this way. He loves Shownu, despite everything that's happened and the fact that they're no longer together.. he loves him. And Hoseok has been nothing but kind and sweet and helpful, and maybe that's part of it too. After dancing with the devil for so long he's finally met an angel and his brain doesn't know how to handle the change in melody so he's twisted around and confused, tripping over his own two feet to try and find the right steps. It's only a matter of time before the devil reaches out and grabs the little string attached to his back and drags him back in. 

And he's even angrier at himself, knowing he'd fall right back into that dance with a smile on his face no matter how warm and comforting the angel is. He imagines there's a black, sticky, tar like substance left behind from this dance, and when Hoseok takes the lead the tar bleeds and sticks to his wings as proof that Jungkook just taints everything and everyone he touches. He's a burden, after all. Everyone knows it. Just letting himself sit back and think about the pretty man leaves traces of the black inkiness that Hoseok will never be able to wash off his skin and out of his beautiful feathers.