Iɴ MɪʟD FʀɪɢHᴛ • DᴏNɴɪᴇ DᴀRᴋᴏ

the seventh

DONNIE'S EYES are glued on me as i slump down into my seat. our history teacher is reading something at her desk, eyes flicking up occasionally to survey us.

"what's on your arm?"

i bite my tongue, regretting once again not wearing a jumper. i cover the scarring with my hand. "nothing."

"that's not nothing... what does it say?" he leans toward my desk.

i turn my body away from him. "Donnie, stop,"

"quiet, please," the teacher mumbles.

"did you do that to yourself?" Donnie whispers.

i put my hand up, making sure my other arm is hidden. "can i go to the toilet, please?" i ask the teacher, who nods and wafts me away.

Donnie's gaze burns into my back as i rush out.

—

i barge into the nurse's office, my arms folded tightly to hide the scars. she looks up in surprise as the door thuds closed behind me.

"how can i help you, darling?"

"could i get two big-ish bandages? they're not for me, my friend hurt herself doing gym,"

the nurse's brows draw in concern. "oh dear, what did she do?" she questions, raking about in a drawer for bandages.

i think on the spot. what could possibly go wrong...? "big gash on her leg, we were doing basketball, and... some girl forgot to take her ring off, and when my friend jumped, the girl tried to block and accidently gouged up her leg,"

the nurse's nose wrinkles. "oh, poor thing," she hands me to large plaster, which i take carefully, my body turned so she can't see the mad scars.

"thanks," i nod.

"sure you don't need any anti-bac wipes? wouldn't want it getting infected,"

"no, no, it's okay," i say, bee-lining for the door. before she can persist further, i'm out the room and speeding for the bathroom.

i crouch on top of a toilet, peeling the back off of the plasters and smoothing them over the scars. i wander back to class, receiving only a glare form the teacher as i slip back into my seat.

Donnie turns to me again, eyes immediately drawing to my new bandages. "what're you hiding, Katla?"

my eyes widen. what the...? his face breaks and he rolls his eyes. relief washes over me. he wasn't serious. thank fuck.

"are you okay, though?"

"yeah, yeah, i'm good," i dismiss him.

"alright," he lowers his voice. "you want to go to the field again tonight?"

in the dark? with the smiling man? i couldn't... it would be a bad... "yeah, sure," the words slip off my tongue. i grit my teeth as he smiles and turns back to his work. great. first, i can't control myself when i sleep, now i can't trust myself not to blurt dumb shit.

it must be the fucking pills.

—

     i have to wear damp clothes. i've been so caught up in everything, i've not done the washing in over a week. so, to avoid looking like an absolute tramp, i had to hand wash a t-shirt and jumper in the sink.

     before i left to meet Donnie, i ripped off the plasters; i had the jumper to cover the scars now.

     "where you going?" my dad asks from his seat on the couch, pint of lager in hand.

     "out,"

     "don't do anything stupid," he mutters.

     "no, dad, of course not," i sigh and close the front door behind me.

     the sun sets earlier. the smiling man accompanies me as i head to find Donnie. he's pacing around me in a frantic manner, eyes white with two pin prick pupils darting about.

     i think he's trying to talk to me, but it sounds like he's underwater. i can see Donnie's silhouette ahead of me on the path.

     he turns and waves once he sees me.

     "how are you?" he says as i meet him. we fall instep, the smiling man's presence like a weight on my back as he tails me right at my heels.

     "i'm fine... you?"

     "i'm good, how're those cuts?"

     i bite the inside of my cheek. "what cuts?"

      "the ones on your arm, they looked pretty bad..."

     "oh yeah, no, sorry, they're... makeup... i'm in the amateur dramatics club and we were doing fake wounds..." i lie.

     "i didn't know there was a club for that?" Donnie glances at me with a hint of suspicion.

     "well, there is. it's underground, mind you, invite only." i'm fleshing out the lie maybe a tad too much.

     "and they invited you?"

     "yeah, i'm a blossoming thespian," i exaggerate with a flourished hand gesture.

     Donnie chuckles and shakes his head. "you come out with some bullshit, don't you?"

     my cheeks burn. he better not see through me. "whatever. it doesn't matter. how far is the field?"

     "we're taking a shortcut... i stashed some booze in a bush," Donnie grins.

     "i don't know if i should be drinking tonight..." booze makes the smiling man more... adventurous. one night i'd woken up on the steps of Yoko's house, on the other side of town. how'd i even get there? fuck knows, but i'd had too much vodka and blacked out.

     "suit yourself, but i need some,"

     "yeah? why?"

      he shrugs. "school, home life, all a bit stressful, huh?"

      "yeah, i suppose," i mutter, tilting my head up at the sky. "wow, would you look at that," i admire the stars twinkling above us, ignoring the shadowy face of the smiling man that hides amongst them. he's fucking everywhere.

     "almost as pretty as you," Donnie winks cheekily, stopping at a bush to grab a couple beers he'd hidden earlier.

     "aw, how nice," i roll my eyes, though a smile lingers on my lips. "but seriously, isn't space so damn cool?"

     "endless wonder... endless possibilities... really makes you feel alone, huh?" Donnie mutters.

     i don't need the starts to feel alone. the smiling man's absence is enough. i can't seem to decide if i'd like his absence or not.

     would it really be that bad?