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From The Past.

REQ FROM A USER ON DISCORD!!

TW: poorly written fanfic, mentions of death and possibly (definitely) angst..,,,,

and possibly a really out of character karkat idk how to be angry sorrey urgh 😢😢

Just when the world seemed like it was ending, it really wasn't.

"D'you want some water?" Herbie asked as the two sat on the stone edge of a bridge, feet hanging off of it and swaying in the air of the summer night. It was a late night. Like all nights, really: late. Late and dark.

"I'LL BE FINE," Karkat replied after a beat, seeming to be snapped out of his trance-like state by Herbie. His voice was, as always, gruff and had an off-putting edge of passive-aggressiveness to it. Although the man beside Karkat didn't mind.

"Really? 'Cause I could run to the store if you want."

"NO, I SAID... I'LL BE FINE," although he seemed a little hesitant to answer. He felt sick to the stomach, and not from food poisoning or cramps or anything... do trolls even get those? Anyhow, the way Karkat was feeling could only be described as guilty for something he never really did. Something he wasn't a big blame for, anyway.

The ocean below them danced, as if trying to soothe the pains of loss and the guilt of feeling grief. The bittersweet taste on his tongue choked Karkat and made him throw his hands over his mouth, as if trying to stop something.

"Woah there," Herbie cooed, patting his back. "If you want to throw up, you can. I don't think the fish'll mind."

And so, Karkat spread his legs and leaned down slightly, letting vomit escape from his mouth. He wiped his lips with the edge of his sweater sleeve, which he silently pledged he would never touch again, and gave a few blinks to refresh himself.

"I-IMAGINE IF THAT WOULD'VE DROPPED DOWN ONTO ERIDAN, HEH..." He gave a snicker, but then, silence engulfed the two again, leaving them enveloped in the warm breeze.

"Hm, yeah, imagine," Herbie snickered as well. He gave a low chuckle, which soon became a little louder.

"WHAT? WHAT'S SO FUNNY ALL OF A SUDDEN?"

"Nothin', just thought of something," he sighed and looked back at the troll's face. He observed everything; the spiky black hair, the stubby horns, that loveable angry face and the unusual, though natural, grey skin. And the little freckles on his face, can't forget that. Herbie counted them like the stars sometimes, usually when they were easier to see.

Karkat wasn't looking back at him, though. He hung his head to his shoulders, regretfully staring off into the horizon.

A moment passed, two, three... Karkat slid his hand over Herbie's, squeezing the human's fingers in his grip.

"...WOULD WE STILL BE HERE IF ALL OF THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN?" He asked nobody in specific, really.

"Sure thing," Herbie answered without thinking. "I mean- maybe. Possibly..?" He considered. "Maybe not really, actually."

"I WISH IT DIDN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS," Karkat said, looking up into the human's eyes with a deep sigh. "I WISH I WAS HAPPIER, YOU KNOW? I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO STICK MY ENTIRE ARM INTO A METAPHORICAL PILE OF COWSHIT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN. LIKE... I WISH MY FRIENDS DIDN'T HAVE TO DIE IN ORDER FOR US TO MEET. THAT'S A HORRIBLE FATE, DON'T YOU THINK? SACRIFICING YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE AT YOUR LOWEST SO THAT SOME OTHER ASSHOLE COULD BE AT HIS HIGHEST?"

"That's probably just how it works all in all. I mean, people always sacrifice themselves for someone they love," Herbie replied, taking Karkat's hand into his. "If they died, then they died wanting you to be happy."

"IT'S JUST... HARD TO ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON. AS FUCKING STUPID AS IT SOUNDS, I REALLY MISS THEM BOTHERING ME WHEN I DIDN'T WANT TO BE BOTHERED," the troll said and broke off into a ponder. "BUT, THE THING IS, I AM HAPPY. LIKE, REALLY FUCKING HAPPY JUST... SITTING HERE WITH YOU, I GUESS. EVEN IF I JUST THREW UP A FEW MINUTES AGO AND AM IN A COMPLETELY AGONISING STATE OF PAIN, I AM REALLY, REALLY HAPPY. BECAUSE OF SOMETHING, OR SHOULD I SAY 'SOMEONE', I NEVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN."

"Hm," Herbie smiled.

"Well, what if you imagine it like this, then; all of this is a parting gift from your friends. They left knowing that you'll have a better fate than them."

"I DIDN'T WANT IT TO END LIKE THAT, THOUGH."

"Well, life's not always gonna give you what you asked for. It always just has to be cruel one time or another."

Karkat nodded and then looked down, back at the waves of the calm ocean. Oh, just how beautiful it was on a night like this, reflecting the stars and the illumination of the moon, the overlapping lights drawing silly patterns on it that just always end up drifting apart anyways.

"DO YOU THINK THEY'RE HAPPY ABOUT THIS, WHEREVER THEY ARE?" He asked vulnerably.

"Mhm."

Another subtle nod came from the troll. "THEN MAYBE I SHOULD THANK YOU."

"SO, UH, THANKS FOR ALL OF THIS, I GUESS..." He murmured and lay his head on Herbie's shoulder, looking down at their interlocked hands.

"I can't really say you're welcome. I'll honestly thank you back as well."

"FOR WHAT? WHAT COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY FUCKING DONE TO GAIN THAT?"

"For being everything you think you aren't." Herbie answered. "And, look, I'm not saying that hating yourself isn't a way to go, but damn, you don't have to be so harsh on yourself all the time. It's like trying to play a sad song on the piano, except you never really hit the notes right."

"OH."

"SO YOU THINK I'M A GOOD 'PERSON'?"

"In some ways, yeah. Absolutely."

"AND WHAT'S SO GOOD ABOUT ME THAT YOU ACTUALLY MANAGED TO CONFESS THAT BULLSHIT TO MY FACE?"

"I'll be completely straight up with you, you're a really great person, Karkat. You're responsible, kinda funny... mostly really interesting. And your sickle is absolutely sick." Herbie explained and chuckled. "Get it? 'Cause the word 'sick' is in 'sickle'?"

Karkat thought for a moment before allowing his lips to curl up into a stupid smile.

"YOU'RE AN IDIOT. A COMPLETE DORK..." He gently shook his head.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You don't have to tell me."

"BUT I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU," Karkat interrupted.

Herbie looked down at the troll who's head rested in his shoulder and gave a really lovestruck smile before speaking.

"Well, Mr. Vantas, I think I'm in love with you too."

and then they explode /j