Unhappily Ever Yours

2.

This isn't happening. Am I actually in Hell? Maybe they were just fucking with me and I'm obviously the worst person in the world. 

"Uh...Austin? You there?" Jonesie waves his annoyingly-perfectly-tan arm in front of my face, attempting to rein me back into reality. 

"Wish I wasn't" is all I say back. I'm completely dumbfounded and in disbelief that my ex-boyfriend is my soulmate. Twisted joke, much? "Rude?" Jonesie answers, stepping across the threshold and closer to where I'm standing. "Sorry, I just...you can't tell me that you're not surprised to be seeing me standing here at your doorstep. ME."

He shrugs with his arms out, "I don't know Austin. I've been here alone for a while now. I started to not care who ended up being my soulmate. But if I'm being honest, I'm glad it's you and not some rando that I passed by on the street before I died." I sit with that for a moment and debate whether I'm willing to deal with him for the rest of our eternity. 

On one hand, he's right. We know each other - painfully well. It really does beat having to awkwardly get to know someone when you're already dead. We already know each other's flaws and imperfections. Like how Jonesie snores unless he's holding his favorite stuffed animal, which is a giraffe named Bartholemew (he's a theater kid). And it's not soft, cutesie snoring. When we lived together, I was so close to shoving papertowels in his mouth every time he fell asleep because it was absolutely irrating. But I didn't. 

On the other hand, I truly would rather be in Hell than spend the rest of my soulful existence with him. He's my ex. I can't imagine spending anymore time with him happily. 

"I think we should go to speak to someone- oh wait. Do you know how to get ahold of Eden?"

Jonesie looks at me blankly. "Who?"

Behind me, a voice sounds out and it's her. 

"He's talking about me. Your guide is Diana. Austin, not everyone has the same guide. I thought we discussed this."

Jonesie slowly nods with his lips pressed together thinly. "Maybe you discussed it but I've been dead for a day. That's kind of taken precidence in my mind, not you. No offense," I defend myself with a shoulder shrug and take a seat in the corner of the porch where a lonesome chair has sat. 

"Offense taken. What were you wanting to talk to someone about?" Eden moves closer to me and Jonesie.

I roll my eyes and sigh. I look up at Jonesie who is also waiting for me to answer Eden's question. I know his eyes though, and for a moment, I think I can tell of a hint of pleading in his gaze. Like 'Austin, please don't. Just try.' Or maybe I'm wrong. It doesn't matter though, because he left and I shouldn't have to spend the rest of my eternity with him if he's the one that left me. 

Turning my attention back over to Eden, I finally speak up. "I think you guys made a mistake," I start bluntly, "there is no way Jonesie James, my ex, is my soulmate. You guys need to fix it. Find me a new soulmate." 

I can actually feel Jonesie sink into himself with my request. My eyes don't shift from Eden though. 

Ok, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. Ok fine. I'm a complete asshole. I know. But- if anyone really got it, if they truly understood, they wouldn't blame me for being so adamant about getting a different soulmate. Jonesie was this beautifully kind man. Looks that came out of a magazine - I'm not joking, he was a Dior model. Dirty blonde hair that he always styled...purposely messy? He made it work anyways. And deep brown eyes. Felt like I was looking into a forest every- you know what, I'm getting off track. I'm not in love with him, I hate him. But he was still a good guy. He was funny and insanely smart and talented and so charasmatic... and then one day he was purely cruel. I was at work and he said he couldn't handle things anymore and that he was leaving. And that was it. Out of my life. Forever. 

Until now obviously. In death do us reunite.

"Austin, first of all. I'm pretty sure everyone in the history of eternity is well aware by now that Jonesie is your ex. Please for the love of our God," Eden takes a split second to put her hands together in a moment of prayer, then continues, "stop reminding us all. Please. Secondly, your attitude sucks for a dead guy in Heaven. Do better. And lastly, I don't know who 'you guys' is, but I can't do anything for you. You'll have to go to Eternal Affairs to make a request for a soulmate change." 

Eden vanishes after her rant.

"Oh. One last thing. Jonesie...sweetie, why him?"

Disappearing once again, Eden leaves the air thick with silence. Even I'm stunned and not sure where to go from there. 

After a few more minutes, Jonesie whistles. "Well, guess we should find that Eternal Affairs place."

Surprised, I raised my eyebrows and turned to face him. "I thought you wanted to be soulmates Jojo, forever together, lovers until the end. Why the sudden change of heart?" 

Retaking my standing position, I move beside him, facing towards him while he faces the yard in front of us. He stays silent and shoves his hands deeply into his pockets.

"Well?" I say, cocking my head to the side, "What's changed?"

"You."

"What do you mean?"

He walks away, headed to a shed towards the left of the house.

"Hello? Am I suddenly speaking French? Wait, no. You would understand French. German? Portugese? Bulgarian? Mandarin?" 

Still zero response.

I run to catch up to him and meet him at the door of the shed. Out of breath and out of shape, even in Heaven. 

I grab his hand and pull him to face towards me. Jonesie stares blankly back at me and I wave my hand in front of his face. "Again...am I speaking a completely foreign language that I'm pretty sure you would understand anyways because it is Heaven after all?"

He takes a deep breath and roughly rubs his hands over his face. 

"You. You have changed. Maybe you're right. Maybe we aren't soulmates. And even if we are, I don't think I can handle you hating me for what happened for the rest of whatever this is."

"Eternity."

I surpress a smile.

"Seriously?" He glares and turns away back towards the door.

"Wait, wait. I'm sorry. Okay, I really don't believe we are soulmates. Because yeah, you suck. You stomped on my heart for no reason and I also just don't think we're right for each other anymore. Why should we both be miserable if I'm right?"

Jonesie takes a minute to process my response and then without another word, he disappears beyond the door.