I'll Make it Through the Winter

I was Good at Feeling Nothing... Now I'm Hopeless

────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

"My private chambers."

I felt my heart drop to my stomach.

Of all places, I definitely wasn't expecting him to bring me there. His private quarters were always a mystery, with no one permitted to enter. And now he was ordering me to do just that.

"Sir, I do not mean to question you but it is extremely clear that your chambers are restricted. It would be inappropriate for me to break a fundamental rule set in place." I say strongly, hiding the fact that his request terrifies me. Not only am I weaker from the gruelling training session I had just been subjected to but I had no clue what he wanted from me, if this was a way for him to make himself feel more powerful over me, he really didn't need to go to such lengths. I was already terrified of him for the past 9 years and his temper that he took out on everything and everyone around him, without the threat of being in his private space where no one would hear my calls for help. I had a gut feeling following him to his chambers felt like a one way ticket to nothing but bad. Kylo stared at me for several seconds, seemingly stunned I had the audacity to deny his command.

"It's an order." he finally speaks up, his voice still stern and loud. It seems that he had little time for my protests and would accept nothing less than my obedience. There was no way around this. I was going to his chambers, whether I liked it or not.

"Don't make me say it again." He barked. I tried to calm the panic rising in my chest, the urge to turn around and run away as fast as I possibly could. But I couldn't afford that luxury, not while I was with Kylo, not while I lived with the First Order. There was nowhere to run here and I would know...

────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──

It had been just after 6 years since the First Order had taken me from Hoth when I finally felt confident enough to try to escape the StarKiller Base. I had been moved to a more permanent prisoner's cell, one with its own bathroom so I wouldn't need to be accompanied every time I needed to shower or pee, a luxury I would never take for granted. Since starting my private training with Kylo, I had been allowed to walk around the base more than in the first 3 years of my life there. I had started watching where the stormtroopers would turn after we would arrive at the training room, seeing them branch off the connecting halls and then turn again, disappearing from my sight. I was training harder than ever. I knew that if I wanted to get out I had two options, I could sneak out or fight my way out; obviously trying to take all the stormtroopers on the base was idiotic so I knew I had to be careful and the chances of having to fight at least one trooper was high.

In two months since the start of my plan, I finally felt like I had enough strength and enough of an escape route from watching and calculating the movements of all the soldiers. I wasn't entirely sure if it would get me where I needed to go but it would have to be good enough.

The night before my planned escape, my training session with Kylo was cancelled. A stormtrooper came to my cell and stood at attention to rely the message,

"Rylia of StarKiller Base, your private training has been cancelled. Kylo Ren has been called to meetings with the First Order and will be having your next session in 2 days. Is this understood?" He said blandly, helmet turning to look at me.

"Yes sir." I nodded, trying to hide the elation from peeking through on my face. I couldn't believe it... This was like winning the lottery... I would be able to escape without anyone trying to come and find me for my training session. This worked out perfectly and I felt myself drift off into the most peaceful sleep I'd had in years.