I'll Make it Through the Winter

What's Misery Without Company?

TW: Mentions of Rape / Gang Rape

Please be warned the next 2 chapters will involve mentions and scenes of rape / gang rape. It is only mentioned at the very end of the chapter and very briefly, the next chapter it will be a bigger portion.

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I said this at the end of the last chapter but everything is going to be getting a lot heavier and angst heavy from here on out so be prepared for all the drama and sad hours. I promise it'll be so worth it, both cause it's kind of fun crying over angst but also because *things* are coming...

For songs this chapter, I recommend listening to...

-Fallen Star by the Neighbourhood
-You Get Me So High by the Neighbourhood
-Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want by the Smiths

Thank you again for all the love and support, it really keeps me going and makes me want to update this fic as much as I can! The next chapter might take awhile for me to edit since it's a pretty big one, so as always, I appreciate your patience!

Enjoy chapter three!

xoxo
Yuna

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As I began to pull the mask off, I felt his body become more rigid, more intense. It was like I had pulled a trigger. Something in the way his whole body froze, allowing me to slowly peel his helmet up. I could feel his stare like hot icicles pricking into my forehead, his breathing quickening. I felt him tense up like a wound coil, waiting to see what would happen next, waiting to see if I would truly remove the whole helmet at this agonisingly slow pace. Just as my knuckles started to brush along the soft skin of what I could only imagine was his chin and I could see the bottom of his dark hair, I could hear an unfamiliar, soft voice behind the mask.

"Please..." he mumbled, almost under his breath.

I stopped with the heavy helmet in my hands, his small plea taking me by surprise. Did he want me to stop? Or was he wanting me to take it off faster? His hand had reached up gently holding onto my wrist, an action telling me to stop this, to put it back. My heart started to ache, I was so close to finally seeing this man, I was ready to let myself open up to whatever this could be. A friendship? Maybe something else... I wanted it so badly, to see that Kylo was a human underneath this disguise.

"Kylo please... let me see you..." I gasped out, begging out of desperation to finally connect with the man behind the monster I had known my whole life.

I needed to know that everything that had just happened, my breakdown, the way he comforted me, all of it wasn't some sick and twisted illusion. That it was real, that his humanity was real. I don't know if I could ever bring myself to break my walls down again if he rejected me now. It felt silly, dumb even, to let myself be without my mental guards around Kylo, but there was something deep inside me that told me everything would be okay. No one starts life as an evil murderer, he must've had a life before this, a family somewhere in the galaxy and I wanted to know these things about him, more than I wanted to admit. I had seen the softness he was capable of and now I felt addicted.. I knew he could tell my every thought in this moment; Kylo seemed to snap for a moment, the intensity in his energy increasing.

His voice was just his own and not the voice I always heard behind the mask. It was a soothing, deep voice that sent a shiver down my spine.

"I..." he muttered before hesitating again. I wanted to hear him say my name in that voice, I thought suddenly, surprising myself.