Shrek: A Dragon's Tale

Chapter 13: Dinner

That evening, the family all gathered up in the dining room. Fiona and Queen Lilian were on opposite sides of the long table, with Shrek and King Harold at the ends. Seth, however, was nowhere in sight, which was confusing. King Harold didn't seem to like or trust Shrek at all.

Shrek looked at his plate, unsure of what fork to use. So, he just picked up an escargot with his hand, and crunched on it.

Fiona took a drink herself, and then let out a burp which made her sheepishly smile. "Oh, e-excuse me..."

"Better out than in, I always say, eh, Fiona?" Shrek chuckled, then he and Fiona laughed, only to see the King and Queen not laughing. The laughter then died down as it was awkwardly silent again. "I guess not."

Just then, a crash was heard in the kitchen, and Seth's voice saying, "YEOW!! THAT'S HOT!! HEY, HEY, HEY!! WATCH THAT OIL!! YOU COULD MAKE ME SET THIS WHOLE PLACE A BLAZE!!"

"Seth, it's this way," said Red.

Seth and Red came into the dining room, with Seth panting, "Oh man!! Oh! Finally. Shrek, Fiona, good to see you two again. You know, this place is a maze. Took one too many turns before asking directions."

Seth sat down next to King Harold, who said, "No, no, bad dragon!! Down!"

Seth glared at the King, saying, "I ain't no pet Buster Brown!"

"Dad, it's all right, it's all right. He's with us. He helped rescue me from the dragon." Fiona spoke up.

"Yeah," said Seth, "Tamer of the Hydra, at your service."

"And you are?" asked King Harold to Red.

"She's my Plus 1," said Seth.

"Oh, boy..." Shrek groaned before he took a spoon in his bowl, and sipped the liquid that was inside of it.

"Um, Shrek," said Fiona.

"Hm? Oh, right. Great soup Mrs. Q. MMMMMMMMM."

"No... Darling..." Fiona then said, putting her fingers in the bowl to show it was a washing bowl for washing up before kitchen sinks had been invented.

"So, Fiona," said Lilianna, "Where do you live?"

"Well," said Fiona, "Shrek owns his own land. Isn't that right honey?"

"Ah, yes. It's in an enchanted forest." Shrek chuckled nervously. "Abundant in squirrels, and cute little duckies, and-"

"What!?" laughed Seth, "Shrek, you on something? Cuz I know you're not talking about your swamp."

"Seth," said Shrek.

"An ogre in a swamp. Oh, how original." King Harold commented.

"It's not bad actually," said Red, "I was there for a bit, and it was nice. Lush trees, large lake, you know."

"Well, I suppose that would be a good place to raise the children," said Lilianna.

That made Shrek and King Harold cough and sputter at the mention of children. The two of them coughed and spluttered, and Shrek coughed up a spoon he had accidentally got stuck in his throat, the spoon clanking against the wooden dining table.

"It's a bit early to be talking about that, isn't it?" asked Shrek.

"Indeed," said Harold, "I just started eating."

"Harold," glared Lilianna.

"Dad, please..." Fiona said, trying to stop her father from going overboard. "It's great, okay?"

"Well, for his type," said Harold.

"MY type?" asked Shrek.

"Um, Sire, I don't think this is the best place to argue," said Seth, "Hey, Red, I got a thing to do now."

"Dinner is served!" The head chef called out, as the servants walked in with many plates of food.

"Never mind," said Seth, sitting back down.

The servants laid out all the foods for their dining patrons. There was lobster, turkey, a roasted pig, plus fish, and other such dishes for the dinner.

"Bon appetite." The head chef bowed to them, and walked back into the kitchen.

'Why do I feel Donkey would call this Mexican food?' thought Seth to himself.

"Well, let's not let our tummies rumbling. Everybody, dig in." Queen Lillian also smiled.

"Don't mind if I do!" said Seth, only to get the lobster in front of him pulled away. "Hey!"

Harold took the Lobster, saying, "So, I can assume that any of the grand children that I would get from you would be-"

"Ogres," said Shrek, pulling the turkey to him, "Yes!"

"Not that there's anything wrong with that." Lillian said quickly, then glared at the king. "Right, Harold?"

"Oh no, no," said the king, getting a knife, and cutting the lobster, "Assuming you don't EAT your own young!!"

"Dad!" said Fiona calmly.

"Oh no," said Shrek, tearing the turkey legs off, "We'd prefer to, LOCK THEM AWAY IN A TOWER!"

"Shrek," said Seth, trying to calm things down.

"I only did that because I love her!" said Harold, putting some meat into a mini pot.

"Oh aye!" said Shrek, pulling out the wish bone, "DAYCARE, OR DRAGON GUARDED CASTLE!?"

"You wouldn't understand you're not her father!" said Harold, crushing the lobster claw.

Seth put his head on the table, as Shrek and Harold were making a mess with the food.

"It's so nice to have the family together for dinner..." Queen Lillian said, sounding like she was going to cry.

Shrek and King Harold fought with their food to get their rage from each other out of their systems. Then, the two glared to each other before grabbing onto the pig. The two grabbed the pig, which then they both sent it flying in the air.

"Shrek!" Fiona glared at her husband.
"Harold!" Lillian glared at her husband.
"Fiona!" Shrek cut in.
"Fiona!" Harold even added in.
"Mom!" Fiona complained.
"Harold." Lillian looked at her husband.
"PIG!!" yelled Seth.

The roasted pig landed onto the table, making everyone become quiet.Fiona stood up, feeling very emotional right now, and she stormed off to her bedroom. King Harold looked worried for his daughter, before glaring to Shrek, blaming him for all of this. Shrek only sadly looked to Fiona, and decided to have a word with her as soon as possible. Seth looked to where Fiona ran off, then he snarled darkly at King Harold, storming to him.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!" he exclaimed.

"What are you talking about!?" asked Harold.

"Don't be stupid with me. You don't think I wasn't paying attention? You just berated not just Shrek, but as well as your own daughter, and on top of that, made a complete fool out of yourself tonight in front of your family, and on top of that, in front of the Queen! Your own wife!"

Seth got up, and said, "Think carefully of what waters you wanna tred, or you'll make the biggest mistake of your life!"

Seth and Red then left to check on Fiona. Queen Lilianna left shortly after, leaving King Harold by himself, to think of his actions.