The person you made me

10. Izuna and Will

He didn't want to.

At the same time, he didn't want anything more in the entire world.

I placed my hands on his cheeks, forced him to look at me. His skin was raspy beneath my palms from a stubble that was maybe a day old; just a shadow. His eyes were like pools of water, they were so full of tears, their brightness rendered darker by the many, many layers of salty water.

"I want you", I whispered. "I want you."

"No", he said, but even so, he leaned forwards and kissed me.

His lips were surprisingly soft on mine, and he ate at the redness of my skin while he shook his head. I thread my arms around his neck, pulled him closer.

"Yes", I whispered into his mouth.

"I have caused the death of so many of you", he murmured, pulling his fingers through my hair, grabbing a fistful of it. "This isn't right."

"Say anything that is right in times like these, Tobirama", I murmured back.

He lay down on top of me, kept crying, kept arguing with himself the many reasons why he shouldn't be doing what he was doing, while still doing it, first in my language, but then in German. 

"It will hurt", he said then, unbuttoning the shirt he had given me. "You have broken ribs."

"I have handled worse."

That was the wrong thing to say because he lost it, started wailing, so I had to take control. I gently lay him on his back, pulled his T-shirt over his head, traced my hands over his chest, down his strong abdomen, to that V-line, played it with my fingers until his crying calmed down.

"Do you want to?" I asked.

"Of course I want to!" he said, clearly frustrated.

"Just checking", I said. "I do too. So let me have this", I said. "I haven't had control over my body in so long. Let me do what I want with it."

He put his hand on my face, and for the first time that night, for the first time in the months during which he had been away, I saw he was smiling.

"I never left you, you know?" he said. "Not once."

"Where were you?" I asked, taking my trousers off, deciding to keep the shirt on, unbuttoned but slung over my shoulders; I felt so pretty in it and how long had it been since I felt pretty? "During all this time?"

He looked down on me, yet kept talking.

"I was always just a breath away. Watching. I was trying to protect you by making the other captives believe I no longer had any interest in you."

"I thought that was because you saw me kissing Will!"

If he felt anything when I mentioned it, he didn't show me. He shook his head while he unbuckled his belt, playfully draping it over my shoulders, slowly but steadily starting to enjoy himself.

"I would never punish you that way. I just hoped it would keep the others at bay. Apparently..." He traced his finger beneath my eye. It hurt, and I understood I had a black eye. "It wasn't enough."

"Don't blame yourself", I said, grabbed his dick, put it to me. I heard Tobirama suck his breath in.

"But-"

"I said..." I sat down slowly. "I said, don't blame yourself."

He was so hard, I could take his entire length immediately, even if it hurt. I looked him in the eyes as I rode him softly, softening myself up. He grabbed my waist, dug his nails in so harshly, I would get marks. All the while, tears were streaming down his face, and he kept murmuring words of regret, words of comfort, then he switched language to German again which was so much hotter when we fucked.