Crush Me

Fourteen

Leanne

I wonder if he knows what I mean. And does he know I love him not because he turns me on, but because of who he is? His voice! Oh my God! And he's kind first, without even thinking about it. He rescued my bag. Three squeezes. What Mom used to tell me before Keith married her. Three squeezes for I love you. So, no matter how bad things are, if I can't talk, see, or hear, I'll know. Someone loves me.

Leanne turned on her side to watch Wilson sleep. His face relaxed, and those incredible eyelashes fanned down on his cheeks. The lights dimmed and she checked her watch.

Geeze, it's only just after seven. Has it really only been four hours since we took off? We're not even halfway there. Will I scare him away when he asks about what I did before he drifted off?

She tried to pull her fingers free, and Wilson's tightened. Her heart constricted, and she settled in to wait for his grip to relax. His breathing was slowing, and as the minutes ticked by, his fingers finally slid out from between hers.

Turning to the windows, she stared out into the black, looking for constellations she could recognize. Orion's belt was one of the things she could always spot, and the Big Dipper but the waves of green with shadows of crimson and white had Leanne pressing her forehead into the window.

Wilson will kill me if I don't wake him up. And he just went to sleep. Damn. He probably won't be able to get anymore sleep.

"Wilson, Wilson, you have to see this. Wake up!" She squeezed his shoulder and nudged it. Grabbing the hand, she waited so patiently for freedom from just a few minutes earlier, she tugged it until he began to stir.

"Open your eyes. You can't miss this."

"What?" he mumbled.

"Northern lights. They're beyond anything I've ever seen." Leanne turned to press her forehead to the window again. "Get in the seat in front of mine. You have to get a look at them."

"You're kidding me, they're really out there?" His voice was deep as he came fully awake.

"Hurry!" She pulled her phone out of her bra, and thumbed in. Hitting the camera, she selected video and started to record. "The colors are unbelievable."

She slid her free hand between the cabin wall and the seatback beside her reaching for Wilson as he scrambled across to the window two forward from hers. He pushed the shade up.

"Oh my God! That's stunning." Wilson wriggled back out toward the aisle and retrieved his phone from the pouch in his armrest. "Are you recording too?" He pressed the camera bump on his cell phone against the window.

"Of course! This might be my favorite thing in the night sky from now on. I thought meteorites and meteor showers were pretty special, but this takes the cake. What was it that Frank said? Solar flare activity?"

Wilson's hand found hers as they watched. "I think so. The reds and white are not as common. The pictures I've seen of northern lights when they get down to us in Atlanta have always been green. But look over there to the right, is that a bit of purple?"

"Wow." Leanne let silence settle between them, finally clicking her recording off after almost fifteen minutes. "I'm running out of space to store anymore video."

"Another blog post?" Wilson asked.

"Yes. You'd better believe it, yes."

"Looks like we're going to lose them." Wilson stopped his recording as Leanne nodded.

"I'm never going to forget this."

"Me neither. So many firsts. Now I'm going to want to go to Alaska to watch for more. I wonder if there are places we could go to see them, where they happened more regularly?"

"Hmmm, I wonder if they are as intense in Australia?"

"No idea, but I'd love to find out. Always wanted to go there. On another topic, what was that all about before I feel asleep. The three squeezes?" Wilson came back to sit beside her again.

"Something my mother taught me. Way back when I was little," Leanne shook her hair forward, looking for her familiar screen from the world.

"So?" Wilson reached up to touch her cheek.

"This is embarrassing, and I hope I don't scare you away." He stroked her bangs out her eyes, and she met his serious gaze, flushing bright red as he waited for her answer.

"Just tell me. I promise I won't bite." His smile melted her heart.

"They stand for I love you. Because I used have horrible nightmares when I was little before I started school, and it was so bad, nothing mom said got through to me. Then she told me, if you feel three squeezes, on your hand, on your shoulder or anywhere else, it means someone who loves you is there. Probably me, but it might be anyone."

"Wow." Wilson kissed her forehead. "That's special."

"You don't have to say it back to me, and something a therapist told me a couple of years ago, and I really believe she was right. Love has nothing to do with sex. Sex can be better when love is a part of it. So, when I squeezed your hand? I love you, the person. I'd miss your kisses, but this goes way deeper for me."

Wilson's mouth came down on hers. Gentle, sweet it was a like a blessing. "Thank you," he whispered. "I can't believe how fast things are changing, and how I can't see myself alone anymore. And how my body is responding to you. I can't figure out why but I'm not arguing with what feels right for the first time ever."

Leanne sighed. "Thank you for not getting all weird about this."

Wilson wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer. Her knees touched his where they stood in the narrow space between the seats. "Can we try and go back to sleep? I can't say the words yet, and I don't want to hurt you because I can't. I just need to absorb all of this, and if we don't sleep, tomorrow is going to be really hard."

"No pressure, and I mean that. Love is to be given freely, not an only if thing. You're right. Let's try to go to sleep. Sleeping with someone is a great act of trust. There is no more vulnerable thing than trusting your sleeping body to be safe." Leanne said.

"How did you get so wise?"

"Counseling. Lot's of it."

"Why?"

"I'll tell you in the morning. Maybe breakfast time?" Leanne suggested.

"Sure." Wilson backed up and sat down on his seat. "I'm really glad you woke me up."

"You're the best," Leanne's relief colored her words. "Thanks." She pulled her pillow into place as she turned on her side to face him. Even though she couldn't see his face, his hand made it's way over the space between them and a finger touched her knee where she pulled it up. He tapped three times.

"I might not be able to say it, but I feel it." Wilson's comment brought a quiet chuckle.

"I love you too."