The Villain's Angel

Sincerely Your Sweet Girl

To be called strong,
To be admired for persevering,
It is both a blessing
And a curse,
A complement
And an insult.

I often wish I could be anyone else.
To be able to live life without
Suppressing,
Without enduring,
Without forcing myself to go on
Despite the pain.

I wish I could just take breaks,
That I wasn't deprived so much of
Physical touch
Or emotional affection.

The pain is overwhelming sometimes,
Especially when I look at him.

My best friend,
My confidant,
My ride or die,
My childhood love.

I reminisce about old times,
Wishing he was mine again.
But I know
It will never be like that again.
He doesn't see me like he does her,
Not in the slightest bit.

I could never be the beautiful blond
That grabs at his soul,
Whose eyes are most captivating,
That hue of blue that steals
Your breathe away.

Whose back
Is pulled rimrod straight,
Whose legs run for miles beneath her.

Those full lips,
That bright smile.
The list goes on.

I could never be her.
I never want to be.
Not for him,
Not for anyone else either.

But her smile,
I am honestly envious.
No one can forget that smile.
It is a smile stemming purely from
True inner joy.
And her soft feminine laugh,
It is a laugh that makes you crave,
A laugh that makes you want her attention.

And her chest,
I will never have that full shape.
Or her smooth skin,
So many wish to have that creamy,
Unwithered and unblemished skin.

Sometimes life is generously kind,
Other times it's unfairly cruel.

What I would do to be noticed,
To be loved and desired.
To be put first,
To be treated like I matter.

It must be life's way of reminding me
How small and insignificant I actually am,
How breakable I can be.

I want him to gaze at me the way
He does with her,
To look into my dark chocolate eyes,
Over my tanned skins,
Over the freckles that are only
Visible under the Hot sun.

Do I repulse him?
Maybe I just scare him.

Is it my sharp angles,
Or maybe my scarred skin?

Perhaps it is because I talk to much,
Or maybe not enough.

Or maybe it is him.
Maybe I have set the bar too high.
And maybe it was not my fault.
Maybe deep down I knew my worth
And could not settle for less.

Perhaps I'm better off.

Whatever the reason be,
It still hurts,
Hurts a million times over.

I wish I could do something,
I wish I could be someone to him,
That it could be like old times.

But it cannot
And will never be.

Though I love him,
He will never be mine.
And that's going to have to be okay.

And his brother,
I have lost him too.

I had not known he wanted me,
Not until it was too late.
I should have known
I would mess it up,
It is what I do sometimes.

Now it is too late,
And I am utterly alone.

But it serves me right
For ignoring
What was right in front of me.
For ignoring
What was good and precious.

Maybe one day my soul will stop roaming,
Maybe one day it will heal.

Maybe I will setting down,
Whether in this lifetime
Or in the next.

But when my time comes,
I will not fail to remember how lucky
I am to have made it this far,
To have learned my worth,
To have recognized who is important
And one in a million.

As for now,
I need to be strong,
And I need to persevere.

Goodbye my love,
May our paths cross in the near future.

Let us hope by then
We will have both
Found our true happiness.

Goodbye my love,
Sincerely your sweet girl.