~𝕐𝕠𝕦𝕣 ℂ𝕠𝕝𝕠𝕣~ [SeongJoong]

𝐹𝒾𝓋𝑒

[I asked google if I should post every chapter I've already written and it said yes]

"So, are we just gonna ignore how you were pratically eating me with your eyes earlier?"

Seonghwa choked on the orange juice that was so kindly brought to them by Hongjoong's mother a few minutes earlier, thanking all the gods he could think of in that moment for the fact that he had managed not to spat it all out on the younger's covers.

"I wasn't!"

"You were."

Seonghwa glared at the purple haired male that was looking at him, a mischievous grin on his lips as he held the glass of juice in his hand.

"Hongjoong I'm not gay."

"The look you had earlier says otherwise."

"I'm not."

It actually hurt to say those words for him, because he knew they weren't true even in the slightlest. Every time he said them they sent a stinging sentation in his heart, something he really wished he could avoid, but something he knew he had to endure.

As much as Hongjoong felt like a safe place he couldn't tell him the truth.

"Seonghwa you can talk to me, you know that right? We know each other since last friday but I really want to know you, and I'm almost sure that you're not as thought as you make yourself appear to be."

Seonghwa wanted to cry.

When he started changing to protect himself and his mother from his father he had lost almost all of his friends, and the only one he kept in contact with had moved away to who-knows-where.

At that time he had desperately woshed someone would come and try to understand him but after no one did he had lost his faith and started pushing people away before they could do it first.

He tried with Hongjoong too. The first few days. But he gave up for whatever reason and now the younger was telling him what he had been wanting to hear for years now.

He couldn't.

He wanted.

But he couldn't.

What if his father found out?

What if he started beating his mother again.

He couldn't afford that.

So istead of crying, yelling that yes, he was gay, and maybe be comforted by the other, he adverted his gaze on the sky outside the window.

"I really think I should go home now."

"Oh I–" Hongjoong started.

But Seonghwa was already getting off the bed, grabbing his backpack, and he was out the door before he could try and say anything else.

"Bye ma'am, it was nice meeting you."
He quickly said to Hongjoong's mother as he put on his shoes.

【☆】

He was sitting on the usual swing, at usual park, head hung low on his neck to hide the tears that were slowly falling from his eyes onto the fabric of his jeans.

Why couldn't he just be himself without having to worry over getting beaten for it?

That wasn't fair.

He had been crying since he had left Hongjoong's house just over an hour ago, and he hadn't been able to stop since.

He probably looked pathetic right now.

That's why when someone hugged him from behind his first instinct was to get as far away from the stranger as he could in the least amount of time while covering his face with his hands.

That was no stranger though.

There, standing behind the swing, stood Hongjoong, that held an incredibly apologetic look on his face -and maybe it was just Seonghwa's mind playing tricks on him but Seonghwa could see pain in his expression too.

"I'm sorry" Hongjoong spoke dropping his hands on his sides.

"Hongjoong you're sick, what are you doing outside."

"I saw you start crying from my window. It's my fault, I wanted to apologise but I couldn't find you earlier" He smiled sadly "I should have thought about the park first."

Why was Hongjoong be so kind? Seonghwa was everything but that to him and it broke him even more to se that the younger was apologizing about something that had literally nothing to do with him.

Yeah, he may have caused Seonghwa to start crying, but it wasn't his fault, it was all Seonghwa's fault.

No, it was Seonghwa's father's fault.

"Hongjoong you– I'm not crying because of you—"

"Still. I want to apologize."

Seonghwa's gaze was fixed on the purple haired male in front of him, that was now starting to tear up too.

He had given up on trying to cover his face about the time Hongjoong had apologized.

"I'll walk you back home" He said with one last broken sigh before walking to the other male, slipping his own hand into the shorter's one and pulling lightly until Hongjoong finally start walking.

That one sigle act, holding hands, that was so normal for most people, now felt intimate and comforting in a way Seonghwa couldn't describe, because there were no words to describe it.

If felt like all of this time he was drowning all along and now he finally got to breathe again.

Or like when you're hit by the first rays of the sun after a cold spring night.

And that simple and genuine touch sent shivers up his smile in a way he hadn't felt in so long, and he suddenly realized that he had missed this.

Because now he wasn't Seonghwa, his father's son.

Right now he was Seonghwa.

Just Seonghwa.

And it felt painfully good to remember how it all was before he had made the mistake of telling his family.

All his thoughts flew out of his mind when he found himself in front of Hongjoong's door for the second time that day, and he slowly removed his hand from the purple haired one's, ready to go home himself.

But Hongjoong had apparently other plans as he held tighter onto in hand, raising his head for the first time since they left the park.

Seonghwa could now see his face. His tears brimmed eyes, his red cheeks, and the slight pout on his lips.

And then he spoke, barely above a whisper "Can you stay over?" and Seonghwa forgot how to breathe.