Colored Purple

Good Intentions

Fantasia's POV

I stare down at my phone, watching it ring. I'm hesitant to answer, as I don't know what to expect from the conversation. What could she be calling for? Why so early? Is something wrong?  With the thought of something harming Taraji crossing my mind,  I quickly make up my mind and swipe to answer. I put the phone to my ear and speak. 

Fantasia: Hello? 

Taraji: Hey, Tasia. Good Morning . I didn't wake you did I? 

Fantasia: No, no, I was already awake, Ive been up since about 5:30. Good morning to you too T

Taraji: Oh, okay, I figured, since I know you love your early mornings. 

Fantasia: Oh yes, you know I do

Taraji let out a small chuckle, before there was a brief silence on the line. Eventually I hear her lips part. She takes a small breath before continuing. 

Taraji: You know, honestly Fantasia, I'm just gonna push straight to the point, I called because I feel a growing distance between you and I. Just saying the casual Hi, and goodbyes when we see each other on set isn't enough.  You know we'll be working on this project for a while together, and we both know how heavy the subject matter is. That's why it's so important to me, that you know, you don't have to do this alone. You should not feel like you have to distance yourself for any reason. Especially from me. The characters that you and I are portraying have such an intimate connection, and I felt that between you and I during our chemistry reads.  I felt the chemistry that we had, and I knew that it would make this project so much more special. Tasia, I'm not telling you that you have to come outside and act a fool with us, but what I am saying, no, what I'm asking,  is for you to pleaseee allow yourself to trust me. I will never steer you wrong, nor will I ever disregard your trust. I am your sister, therefore I am your keeper. You don't ever have to hide from me. 

I take in Tarajis words, sitting with them for a moment. Her words always carried such assurance behind them, making it so easy to believe her.

 What the fuck is happening to me? 

 I think for a moment before speaking, I don't even know what to say. I close my eyes and just allow my words to flow. Hopefully something makes sense. 

Fantasia: Raji, I do trust you. You've never given me a reason not to. If I am being honest with you. I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed about the way I broke down in front of you. I  just felt like I laid too much on you, and way too fast. It took me months to even admit to myself that I had been cheated on. I guess I'm just hurting, and the only way that I know how to handle it is by being by myself. It's what I've always had to do, I've always been the one to nurse myself back to health. I don't know, I guess I just felt so vulnerable, and thats a scary feeling for me. So out of fear I ran, I didn't know what else to do. I never intended to hurt you, I do apologize for that.

Taraji: No, Tasia, do not apologize, you have nothing to apologize for. We all deal with our pain in different ways but I just want you to know that you don't have to bear it all alone girl, and you have NOTHING to be embarrassed about. That time that we shared in the trailer was sacred, and I needed it just as much as you did.  Fantasia, you have an entire family behind you, If you don't want to talk to me, call on Dani, or Halle, Colman, any one of us baby, because thats what we're here for. We all need each other right now, I know I do.  

Her last words stop me for a moment. What does she mean by that? 

Suddenly, any trouble I was facing and any thought about myself was minute. Have I been so wrapped up in myself that I couldn't see that Taraji was going through something. I mean how could I, I put so much distance between us I'd hardly seen much of her at all.  The thought of something harming Taraji bothered me deeply. I mentally punch myself for not recognizing it earlier, and being there for her.