The Suffering of Samael

Lilith's Dream

Lilith found herself surrounded by water. She could see land off in the distance in three directions, but so far away.

She had never seen a body of water this large before. It was tinted red ever so slightly, though something told her this was not its true form. Where was she? Last she remembered, she had walked away from the center of Eden into the forest and laid down on a plenty of fallen leaves.

Some inclination she could not explain had her look to the sky. Three angels flew above her. Their names came to her in her mind. It was like the knowledge of them was granted rather than told. They were Senoy, Sansenoy, and Semangelof.

Senoy: God has told us his will. If you return to Adam, you shall be forgiven. 

Lilith turned her head from them. She didn't want to listen. It was clear they were sent to make her feel shame. But she did not. Nor did she have any will to return to Adam.

Sansenoy: If not, God commands that one hundred of those you call your children will die every day.

Lilith looked back at the one in the center. Sansenoy. She understood the creation of life and its process. It was something she knew God intended for her to perform with Adam. Though death, she understood less. She still knew of it to some small extent, but could not explain why. She was aware enough of the concept to be offended by the angel's words. The angel to his left reached out a hand symbolically.

Semangelof: All there is without Adam is suffering, Lilith! Come back to him! Return to God's good graces!

Lilith: Why has God made me so I do not love him! He wants love to be the thing that binds us together and grants us our purpose. But I can't love Adam! This can only be God's will! That I am meant to despise new life! Children, as you say! I am supposed to be queen of Eden, bringer of life, to have domain over all children, and children of children and so on, but how can I if I don't love Adam!? Any child our kind brought into this world would be made wrong! They would be sick! They would die anyway! That is God's will, surely! I am meant to bring about sickness on children! 

The three angels looked amongst each other. They looked saddened by her answer. They cared about Lilith, clearly. 

Sansenoy: If you do not return, then you shall die. The waters in which you stand are ordained to be holy by almighty God. He has dominion over it especially. 

Senoy: We will bathe you in this water, perhaps so you shall see the light! 

Semangelof: And if not... then we must drown you in it.

Lilith: What is death? If I'm to suffer and watch one hundred of my children die, then death is simply a mark placed on me. I will exist to see it. So what? A hundred of my children "die." They are deemed unworthy of God... So that means they will come to me! Whose fault is that but God's? I accept the punishment! It's not a punishment at all! It's the truth!

Sansenoy: Then you choose punishment. You defy God. 

Lilith: I only defy what I am told God's will is. If you call this defying His will, then so be it. But I see my decision here as being God's will. I do not know why you seem to think otherwise. Though if God, for whatever reason, wants new life to live, then his holy signature upon it will keep me away. I will be forced to remember you three and what you have told me. Though he has not changed me with his power to love Adam. So what else could His will be?

Sansenoy: Siblings... 

Senoy: Must we be the ones to do it? 

Sansenoy: We must. 

Semangelof: She has made her choice. We must carry out God's will.

The three angels swooped down at Lilith. They grabbed her and plunged her into this red sea. But it was not long before Lilith awoke with a gasp.

Above her stood an angel. Though at first she believed he was one of the three who were to punish her, the three angels she had seen before had frowned with sadness. This one smiled. His face gave a warm and calming feeling to her.

She sat up from her bed of leaves. 

Lilith: Why are you here? 

Angel: I saw you were not sound in your sleep. I thought I'd try to relieve you of your stress. 

Lilith: I was definitely not pleased with my dream. Thank you. But... who are you? 

Samael: My name, dear Lilith, is Samael.

Lilith: Am I still dreaming? I think I prefer this one. 

Samael chuckled. 

Lilith: I take that as meaning no.

Lilith felt anxious, but also safe with Samael. She sensed that he would be honest with her, and that wrath, even righteously had, was unbecoming of his character.

Lilith: You're not here to punish me for defying God, are you? 

Samael: No, Lilith. I am not. I'm only here to comfort you. 

Lilith: God sent you to comfort me? 

Samael: No. He did not. I've sent myself. My kindness seems to have not upset him. 

Lilith looked around the forest and at the sky looking for anything out of the ordinary. She saw nothing.

Lilith: So it hasn't. Interesting.