Constellations Strung With a Shooting Star | Sherliam

Chapter Twenty-Four

The wait for John to show up and come along with the detective isn't a long one. Though it certainly feels like it is, with how much Sherlock's head manages to wrack at him and push to build on his preexisting nerves. He turns away from those sorts of thoughts as smoothly as he can, but he's not as successful as he'd like himself to be.

He's beyond grateful once the doctor actually shows up, over-politely dressed himself. His hair is brushed slightly differently, some strands not sticking up as they usually would beneath his hat; and his suit is more than proper for a meeting with the Queen but not out of character for him at the same time. And once Watson's eyes fall on Sherlock's figure, an unsure look passes through them for a mere second. But it vanishes almost as quickly as it'd appeared, as he then approaches the ravenet with a forced neutral look.

"First things first," Sherlock begins, readying himself a little with steady breathing, "there's something I need to say to you." John's eyes narrow some, looking to the other with a blanket of expectancy over his eyes. He doesn't say a word, leaving room for him to continue on with what he wants to say. Holmes inhales sharply, before bowing his head. "I'm sorry. There were many reasons why I did what I did, but I realize that doing it to benefit you in some way wasn't the right step to take. I may have tried to convince myself that I had your happiness in mind, but I clearly didn't."

His lips tighten together for an uncomfortable moment, before he lets himself go on. "I should've given it a little more- no, no," his hand slides up to pinch the bridge between his brows, "I should have given it a lot more thought. So much more." He breathes a sigh, lifting his head a mere inch. "As you might've noticed, I don't hold my own welfare in the best or highest priority. I don't look at myself too often, if that makes sense. At the time, all I cared about was removing Milverton from our plate. I didn't care 'bout what happened to me in the long run. And I failed to realize that was against what you wanted for me."

He nearly attempts to bring his eyes to meet John's, but he ultimately fails cowardly and his gaze collapses again. "You've helped me realize that isn't right. There were so many things that I should've done differently, but one of the biggest ones is going ahead without your actual input or opinion. As much as I need you, you surely need me just as well. So I ought to take better care of myself.

I hope that you're able to forgive me, but I completely understand if that ain't the case. But I promise to you, and I mean this with everything in me — I'll be better from now on. I'll be a better friend to you, like you deserve."

Looking up to watch the other man's expression would be a double edged sword, so Sherlock avoids it by keeping his gaze frozen upon the ground beneath them for now. He waits patiently for John to reply, which is only a few seconds after sitting in deafening silence.

"Sherlock," the doctor starts, and the detective can hear him swallow harshly, "you can pick your head up and look at me, you know." Though he isn't looking in that moment, Sherlock is still easily able to hear John's smile in his voice. He prays that that's a good sign for him.

Slowly, he stands upright once again, bringing his head back up from the apologetic bow. He looks to the shorter man in front of him, quickly able to notice that he's wearing the exact smile that he assumed he was. It's a relief to say, and is almost enough to bring out a smile of Sherlock's own; but not quite, his guilt still overrides that urge.

"First of all, I'm glad that you got the message. I was almost worried that you wouldn't," he prefaces, taking one step closer to the other. John then removes his hat from his head, putting it to his chest. "I also have something to tell you too. Despite it all, I can't turn away from the fact that.. You saved Mary; no, you saved us. You saved us from the threat that Milverton posed. Thank you, Sherlock."