I'm okay,
I'm not okay.
If you ask me if I'm doing alright,
I'll say I'm fine.
But in reality,
Sometimes I feel numb,
Or sad,
Or nothing.
I'm not sure how to express what I feel.
And I don't want to bother you.
At all.
I know I'm not a problem,
Or an issue.
You could say I'm the best thing that has ever happened to you.
And I would still have my doubts.
What if I'm not good enough,
Or mentally stable,
Or anything.
What if all I'm good at is crying and being useless.
I'm crying while I write this.
But its funny to think you won't even know when I wrote this.
Could be 5 days ago.
A month.
A year.
Maybe just after I started therapy.
But I don't feel broken right now ,
Just sad.
What if I'm never good enough for you.
I love you so much,
But in my mind it's not enough,
I just wish my dying was a little more painless mentally.
We all die eventually anyways.
Just thank you for always being the light.
I wish you were treated better before you loved me.
Because I can't even treat myself good enough.
I'm okay though.
