Ideally Yours

1. Overloaded

I let out an exasperated sigh as I dropped my backpack, collapsing onto the couch. Replays of what happened earlier at school during PE were racing through my mind. I closed my eyes, trying to make sense of that moment when those three unfamiliar girls approached. I could hear Freya's boots clicking on the floor as she came over and sat down on the couch adjacent to the one my body took over.

"Nia died," Freya jokes, laughing to herself. I heard our mom playfully scoff at her.

Mom came over to shake me. "You okay, baby?"

Her voice cracked in concern given how protective she is over us. I nodded my head slowly. "Did something happen today?"

I shook my head, I wanted to tell them to kindly fuck off since I was done talking to anyone after that long ass day. But I didn't. Because I didn't have it in me to say that. I wanted space, so I rolled over and met my mother's concerned hazel eyes. "Mom," I murmured, fidgeting with my necklace. She looked at me crouched down on the ground in front of the couch, nodding for me to continue. "Today was long, and I'm kind of tired from earlier."

"What happened earlier?" Freya asked.

"Freya," Mom shot my sister a look that definitely said fuck off, and Freya stood up from her spot and went into the kitchen. She then looked back at me. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe later," I say, shaking my head. Right now, I still need time to process what the hell today was.

Mom patted my back, nodding her head. "Okay, sweetheart," she told me, "I'll be here when you need to talk, okay?" She stood back up, pulling up her tight pointe trousers. Freya and I did not inherit those voluptuous genes Mom has. Needing a break from the whirlwind of interactions, I forced myself off the couch and shuffled over to my bedroom. I booted up my laptop, immediately picking up where I left off in Odd Girl Out, which is sort of the Korean version of the original movie.

The cloud of my interaction with Alessia and her friends hung over my head. My head throbbed from overstimulation. I appreciated Ange checking on me when I momentarily froze up, unable to read the girls' motives and intentions like I struggled with in most social situations because for one, I'm autistic, and two, I'm kinda used to just being alone or with these two. Alessia was full of energy during the random play dance we did. After our exchange of numbers, Alessia added us to a group chat she made. At lunch, she made sure to text us that she was skipping to see us. There was a nagging suspicion eating at my guts about them.

My phone flickered on, showing me messages from the group chat that Alessia creatively called "Hoes Among Us." How cute. I opened my phone and saw that Bobbi had track practice which left us with Alessia and Indy, who were mostly texting each other. Ange ends her messages with emoticons. Nala texts like a madman, using all caps and I only respond when I see Alessia asking for me.

She's already planning a "link up" which I had to ask what the hell that even means. Nala is also confused, and I knew Ange was too since she didn't say anything. Indy explained what linking up is and I wondered why she didn't just say meet up. But I digress. I let everyone know I'm in the middle of a K-drama and that I'm exhausted. Now it was Alessia's turn to ask what a K-drama is. Indy explained to her what they are since I'm not good at doing that.

After spending a couple hours escaping into my familiar fictional worlds, I closed my laptop and stretched, knowing I couldn't avoid the real world forever. The tantalizing smells of Mom's cooking had begun wafting under my bedroom door.

I made my way downstairs, stomach rumbling in anticipation of her comforting home-cooked meal. But as I reached the bottom of the wooden stairs, an unexpected scene made me freeze mid-step.

Mom and Freya were embracing in the kitchen, laughing and nuzzling their faces together like a pair of loving newlyweds rather than mother and daughter. Mom gazed at Freya with such tenderness, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. An uncomfortable twist knotted in my belly watching their easy affection - something I could rarely reciprocate.