Smeared

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I could almost feel the fear creeping up my spine and settling deep within me as it began to consume me with millions of scenarios racing through my mind; each worse than the last.

"Ruth..." I heard Archibald call in front of me. I almost did not even hear him the thundering hooves and screeching wheels of the carriage.

"Ruth." He called again. I looked up, meeting his eyes. "I am sure Rourke will be okay." He tried to reassure me but I knew deep in my gut that he was trying to reassure himself more than anything.

Within moments the carriage came to a sharp halt and before I could even lift a finger, Archibald had pushed the door open and was racing to the front doors of the manor.

My heart began to pound loudly in my ears as I was quick to follow him. With each step I took, it felt louder and louder.

Please be okay.

Please.

My stomach churned as I neared his room. I could see a whole bunch of servants loitering and whispering at the door, all peeking into the room that Archie had just entered. I pushed my way through them and forced my way into my brother's room.

My breath caught in my throat and my heart felt like it had stopped as I took in the scene before me.

Lady Faintree seemed to be desperately verbally attacking the physician. The startled old man seemed to be doing everything to calm her but it was futile.

I could not hear what they were saying as my focus was completely locked on Rourke. Archiebald was holding onto his frail hand whispering something to him with a tremble in his lips.

Rourke looked so pale, so weak. Weaker than he has ever looked. His eyes were half closed but I could see them drift lower and lower with each strained yet painfully slow breath he took.

Ruth. I could almost hear him mumble my from his barely parted lips. Archiebald looked back at me before reaching out to grab my arm with his free hand. He pulled my close forcing my hand to replace his on Rourke's cold fingers.

"Everybody get out!" I heard him order over me.

There were protests of some sort followed by shuffling but I did not care, Rourke was more important than anything right now.

The interval between each rise and fall of his chest became longer and longer. I could hear the air passing through his lips becoming coarse and rough.

"Rourke." My voice trembled as I held onto him crouching beside the bed. His eyes moved slowly towards me and I could see the corners of his lips form a small smile as he gently squeezed my hand.

I could feel the tears begin to fall, "Please, you can't leave me." I begged, my words dug deep into my throat, scraping the sides as they came out.

His eyelids dropped completely and he gave me one last squeeze with his hand. His chest rose and fell one last time.

His smile never left.

No.

No.

Please no.

Rourke!

I was yanked away as people rushed passed me all trying to stop him from leaving this world. It all felt like a blurred horror story.

I could only watch as my whole world shattered in front of me. No words could describe the pain I felt in that moment.

It felt like someone was stabbing me repeatedly in the chest. I felt like I was choking. My very core ached as I could feel the pain flood my body and soul.

I found myself slowing backing away from the room, from the people, from the overwhelming emotions; from Rourke.

I could not think, I could not breathe. Nothing made any sense anymore. Nothing but the agony of my world falling apart.

A servant pushed passed me carrying a white linen sheet. I watched as it was unfolded and placed over Rourke's lifeless body. My world became dark as it was pulled over his head.

I would never see his face again, never hear his laugh, never feel his warmth...

No.

No.

No!

I had to get away. I pushed through the physical pain and ran.

This is not real.

This is not real.

This cannot be.

I pushed through the doors and out the Faintree manor. I let my feet carry me as far away as they could.

The streets were quiet and the sky was dark as I pushed on. I ran and I ran before I could not run anymore. I ran until my feet ached and my lungs burned. I ran until I reached my very limit.

I fell to my knees. Violent sobs escaping my lips.

I was all alone now.

As if sensing my sorrow, the sky let out a grumble followed by a heavy downpour of cold rain.

It silenced my pain, my screams and my tears until there was nothing left and all I could do was fall backwards onto the muddy ground.

I lay there for a long time, it must have been a few hours. I looked up at the sky as the rain began to fall softer. Each droplet numbing me further.

Why was the world so cruel?

The silence that followed proved that there was no answer. No answer to my pain and no answer to what I have endured. There was no answer to anything.

Rourke was my everything but now he was... Gone...

"Ruth!" Suddenly the rain stopped beating down on my face as a shadowy figure crouched over me. Large warm hands lifted and pulled me into a warm embrace.

"I... " I felt his familiar voice tickle my ear as he searched for the correct words to say, "I am here now."

His arms held me tighter. He did not seem the slightest bit bothered by my soaked and muddy appearance.

"Let us get you warm." His voice felt so gentle.

Cassius Waisend did not even wait for a reply as he was quick to lift me up completely. He had taken off his cloak and wrapped it around me before lifting my legs up and draping me over his arms keeping me close to his chest.

In that moment I was too numb to care about anything. I was too emotionally exhausted to even think clearly. All I wanted to do was sleep.

I wanted this nightmare to be over. I hoped that when I woke up again, all will be fine.

Rourke will alive.

He will be getting better.

I would be able to show him the world that he had missed. The world that he was supposed to have experienced.

My eyelids felt heavy as I leaned in towards the Duke falling asleep soon after.

At least in my dreams Rourke is waiting for me with his big goofy smile and contagious laugh. At least that's where everything is how it should be.