DISCLAIMER:
Please remember that my reviews are just my takes on things, you do not have to take my advice at all if you don't feel it fits the essence of your story. After all, I am only reading a few chapters, other readers might have different takes.
Reverie's Review
Shadow Touched flows with a rhythm that is well-placed. The prose is smooth and has a cohesion to it that is hard to find in such early stages of a narrative. The chapters are of a good length which is long enough to get the readers hooked without tiring them out, a balance that is also hard to strike. Your action and combat sequences are well done and are consistent throughout what I've read of the work but as I am just focusing on the early chapters in this review I will try and keep it contained there. Anyways, what I mean to say is that your flow is very rhythmic and reads very well about 95% of the time, the additional 5% is just down to a light edit of polishing and reformatting some stylistic elements that would make the work shine. I am not too sure how to advise here as it is up to you and your style to determine the direction in which you want to proceed.
You do pull us in right away with the use of different texts such as the Gloaming section and Grey's letter. It instantly sets a solid world-building (but more on that point in the final section). The Gloaming section is perfectly placed and will gain the attention and pull readers in further. I also think that Grey's letter is also well placed but perhaps indicate in the chapter title of sorts that it is a letter and not a POV as that can get quite confusing. Playing around with form, however, is fun and interesting. I'm glad to see writers experimenting with it as I think its very underdone in work and it is nice to see it available online more freely.
That being said on the point of the plot itself you have something solid going for you. I feel like tighter narrative control could help maintain momentum and prevent readers from becoming disengaged during the slower passages.
As someone who has read ahead, I can probably advise you to condense the first few chapters a little more or push the plot further up to kick off earlier. Shadowtouched kicks off explosively, it just needs to be expedited just a little bit more.
The portrayal of three-dimensional characters like Naima reveals your skill in crafting compelling personalities, yet I feel like you could benefit from expanding on your supporting characters, like Naima's crew. You have already created a pretty deep world (which I will touch on later, but not much is given outside the main three of Naima, Finch, and Grey. I don't just mean Point of View. I struggle with this issue too in my writings so I understand the frustration that can come with trying to implement this if you decide to do so.
Supporting characters are important though, they offer fresh insights, challenge perspectives and push your characters to develop in ways that may surprise you in the best ways.
Regardless of the fact, I find the chemistry and the dynamics between your characters to be snappy and unique, this prevents stagnation which you have managed to avoid by a large margin.
I do love the aesthetic of this world, I found it to be beautifully described. Your descriptions are generally pretty solid, you have a good sense of the virtual space and you populate it accordingly. I find that the setting as well as the set, are both well crafted and immersive. I stress this especially that if you are a fan of fantasy and like badass female main characters then this is for you.
I would like to request more on the magic side of things, more on the smaller details of how magic and magic sicknesses, as well as healing work in this world. I feel like this could be a good point for you to consider and examine. It might add another layer of depth and complexity to the universe you have crafted. After all, you already created a universe so you might as well go the mile and examine everything you have had the potential to create.
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