DISCLAIMER:
Please remember that my reviews are just my takes on things, you do not have to take my advice at all if you don't feel it fits the essence of your story. After all, I am only reading a few chapters, other readers might have different takes.
Reverie's Review
From line one, I instantly was given a sense of who the main character would be at the start of the story and I must say it was very well executed. The hook is promising and well done, your first paragraph draws in the reader when it comes to noting Rich's personality. I like that this is a story about growth and that you establish that from the start of the story. I also really liked at the end of what I read that bit about the geese. I find that nature's reactions to characters are a good way to reveal things about that character's personality and their interactions with nature and animals are also helpful when it comes to furthering the portrayal of personality. You have managed to create a distinct voice for your character in a short amount of time, this is no easy feat! Not only your main character but I feel like you did a good job of getting character dynamics down too.
Even before that point, the use of the music lyrics at the very very start is a good point to situate readers into the vibe of the book. I listen to playlists that books provide to immerse myself further so any additional material in that branch is always a plus. But regardless of the music I liked how you integrated art as a part of this world, especially with Rich being the "Art kid" in class. I feel like that really adds depth to his character without you having to do much to back it up at the start of the narrative. It's a clever way to characterise. That being said I did find some aspects of his personality to be a little unrealistic. If I've understood correctly your readers are in sixth grade, so they're eleven-ish ( at least according to my schooling)- you mention at some point that your character has read The Art of War two years before the start of the novel, which would put them at eight/nine years old when they read the work. Now, I did read Pride and Prejudice in fifth grade but I didn't understand much of it at the time and had to reread it in eighth grade to get it properly. I find it a little hard to believe that unless Rich is a prodigy child (which would need to be established a little clearer), he would be able to make sense of the work and even put it into play at such a young age. I would consider ageing up the characters or if it's part of the plot that they are so young edit a few sections to make the characters fit in better with their age as right now they read as young at some points but older at others. It's not that big of a point as you do keep well within the ages of your characters most of the time, such as in chapter 2.3 when Rich's friends are mocking him for staring at Zoey I felt the school-like juvenile nature of teasing that was well executed. It was a good detail to include for a deeper character dynamic.
The work itself is well-presented the grammar and the sentence flow is smooth and sound. I enjoyed reading this and found it easy to follow. You have a great presentation and you follow the convention of line breaks, numerical, and general structuring extremely well. This not only makes your work seem polished and more professional but also allows readers to easily read the work- allowing them to immerse themselves into the world more seamlessly which will allow for better binging sessions amongst them.
That being said, your pacing isn't off but it could be improved. If you combine the chapters in Arc 1 together into their categories so instead of all of 1 and 2- split it into 1,2, and 3 depending on how you see fit in regards to plot progression. I would keep the chapter lengths the same if not a little longer to add in the extra content and condense the material. My reasoning behind this is that I noticed you sometimes tend to "get stuck in a scene" as one of my professors once told me. Essentially you tend to trap the characters in a scene wherein you do go into detail but perhaps some more telling rather than showing might suit you in this instance. You don't do it too often but it was enough that I took note of it.
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