What's happened to us... | A The Music Freaks Backstory AU

Breaking...

( 🖤💜Zander's POV💜🖤 )

I got out of class on a Wednesday, feeling a tightness around my neck as I stared at the flooring of the hallways. I wish I could say it was wierd for me to feel this way, but every day the feeling just got stronger.

It was the feeling that everything was falling apart.

It had been a few weeks since I read Luke's e-mail. The e-mail where he tried to convince me that everything would be allright if I tried talking to him.

Or to Hailey.

All this time, I believed he had lost as much hope on me as I had on myslef.

Everyone else got over me eventually, why couldn't he do the same?

Why did he still think I was someone worth saving?

When I clearly didnt want to be saved.

When I was the one who pushed everyone away.

I  had told Hailey to leave me alone, so she did.

I had told my mum I wasn't hungry every day after school, and she believed me.

I had told Luke I didnt want to be on his team for the group project, because I didnt want to be on a team with Nathan...

...so I ended up in the same team as Nicholas.

Nicholas.

That beautiful yet dreadful boy, from the moment he first slapped that book out of my hand, I knew I would want to stay away from him. I needed to avoid him for my own good.

I knew he was the kind to hurt people like me, he was just like any other bully I had met before. 

And yet, here I was.

Eating lunch with him every day, spending time with him at that park near school,  just to stare at him and just for him to tell me I was weird.

Luke, Linda and Carl had all always told me to talk to my friends, they said that was the way to fix things. 

But Nick's group were not my friends, nor did they ever let me talk.

It was too late.

How I had gotten to this position, I wasnt quite sure, at least not back then. 

I surrounded myself with the wrong people,  I had let them numb me into nothing but a decoration for them.

Only for that damned e-mail to arrive, and wake me up, and horrify me with my reality.

Every day that passed just marked another day wasted, another day where I did nothing to fix everything I had previously messed up.

I was useless, and I was stuck where I was, because of me.

Because of my stupid choices.

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I walked through the hallway, towards the entrance of school, trying not to drag my feet. As heavy as they were, Nicholas didn't like it when acted like I was tired. I so desperately wanted Nicholas to like me.

I stood by the lockers near the entrance and stared at the floor until I only heard one pair of footsteps. I looked up and there he was. Nick.

I walked up to him, saying "Hey" as nicely as I could.

He was walking fast, like he was in a rush. He spat out a "He...hey!" as he crossed the doors. He didn't sound very happy.

Thoughts raced through my head. I assumed we were going to the park, as we had been doing every day for weeks. It had to be that I was just tired, and simply couldn't keep up with his normal walking pace. Was he okay? Had something happened with his family? Why was he in such a rush? What could I have done to make him angry?

"Nick! Uhm, are we... going to the park, as always?" I asked, trying to get his attention.

I hated how much he mattered to me. A piece of my heart still believed that deep inside, he was the same boy who was kind to me and didn't leave me alone when I begged to be alone.

But Nick didn't answer, he just kept walking without even looking back.

I knew that every other boy in our grade ignored me. I knew that Luke, my best friend, ignored me. But somehow, what I felt when Nicholas ignored me could not match anything that I had felt before.

I felt like I had failed the simplest of tasks. 

I felt an amount of dissapointment in myself that made my eyes well up with tears.

But Nicholas didn't like it when I acted like a crybaby.

I walked as fast as I could, carefully choosing my words:

"Nick! Are you feeling okay?"

Again, he didn't answer, he just walked faster. He advanced through the front of the school, but just when I was ready to see him turn towards the left, he didn't.

 The turn that we always took together.

The path that took us towards the park and away from everything else.

The way to the park that only he and I knew.

He ignored that, too.

He turned to the right.

He turned right and took the path towards his house. 

And just like that, the feeling got so much more worse. 

I walked a few steps towards him, but suddenly felt like something was wrong.

Like something inside me was so Ill my body couldn't move any longer.

My legs shook, but I refused to fall to the floor. I wrapped my face with the plams of my hands, and used every bit of strenght I had inside me, simply to stop the tears from coming out of my eyes.

After a second, I opened them, and looked at what was in front of me. Nick had already turned the corner and was far from school.

But not too far.

I knew I had to try one last thing.

I had to try talking to Nicholas.