Tainted Wings

S-E-V-E-N-T-E-E-N

I ran.

I had no idea where i was going but i needed to get out of here but I had to get back to the hotel in a few minutes because we had a game this morning. I can't believe i let Alystair do that, deep down I didn't want to admit it, I wanted him to know. I wanted to see the despair on his face when he found out why. Ask me why. I'm tired of carrying this weight around, it's slowly killing me.

It was 7am by the time i returned to the room. I knew everyone was in the hotel lobby so it gave me some time away from everyone. I took a quick shower, put on my gear and left for the lobby. "Romen Abarra?" I could heard coach call for me the third time. "Yes coach." Everyone's attention turned towards me, the soccer team, the rest of the school but I didnt have the energy to entertain any of them today. We took to the bus and sat in the same seating arrangements we were in when we came here. I slumped in my seat after everyone but no one made any attempt to speak to me. I put in my AirPods and took a nap.

"Are you okay?" Zora asked me expectedly from behind my seat. They both had worrisome looks on their faces. "Yeah I'm just tired." The guilt of the worry etched into their faces clawed at me. "We are here if you wanna speak okay?" Zainab held my eyes like she knew what was wrong. I nodded and went back to sleep.

By the time we arrived at the tournament the other school was already there. The field bustled with the cheers from the cheerleaders. We warmed up and did a few dribbles. "Okay team no playing around, Jason, Romen, Alystair play nice." Coach warned us. "This is our first tournament of the year so please for the sake of our dignity WIN." The team chuckled and cheered on each other. The game started of with the other team having the ball. They played aggressively and dirty without remorse. Jason stole the ball from one of them, the captain of the team and passed it my way. The minute the ball touched my foot i was intune with it. I had no recollection of anything that happened before this or what might happen after all i know is now. It was freeing. I saw Alystair out of my peripheral vision, i knew he'd be there to catch my balls as would i be there to catch his. I passed to him and he shot the ball into the net before any of the players could come for him. The ghost of a smile made its way towards my lips, playing soccer was the only thing that made sense to me right now. Not my complicated friendship with Alystair or everyone's worrisome looks towards me.

The game continued smoothly with our team leading with 6 points. Coach was screaming, cheering and shouting at us from the sidelines with the clipboard in his hands. Just as the game was about to end, the other teams captain snatched the ball from me aggressively and pushed me hard. Any other day I wouldn't have cared, but he unleashed the rage that's been consuming me. I got up and pushed him to the ground and nearly regretted my next decision before Alystair ran towards me and put his body in between mine and the captains. "Don't, it's not worth it." He scolded me with annoyance written across his face. "You don't get to tell me whats worth it or not." I made a move for the captain as his team held him back but Alystair pushed his body directly against mine and muttered, "it's me you're angry with stop taking it out on others." I looked at him with such hatred he looked taken aback.

"Romen Abarra red card!" The referee served me my red card with no surprise though, i knew i'd get one. I walked off the field in anger but Alystair followed me behind and subbed out with someone else. I walked to the locker rooms and as soon as i was out of sight I grabbed Alystair by the collar and threw him against one of the lockers. I loosened my grip when he grunted at the force of the throw.

"Do you have any fucking idea what it took out of me to even let you touch me Alyss?" I growled in such hatred his eyes seemed to dim down. "Why don't you tell me huh?" I tightened my grip as he provoked me. "I can't." I seethed.

"You can't or you wont?"

"You and i are nothing I don't owe you a thing, you are just somebody I use to pass my time." I regretted those words immediately after because something shattered in him as soon as i spoke. The hurt in his face could be heard as he uttered a quiet, "what?"

"You mean nothing to me." I uttered every syllable concisely. He gave me one last look as he walked past me but i knew what it meant. He completely turned off anything that resembles emotions inside of him. He shut me out without even lifting a hand. He looked the same as the first time i saw him, that glare I haven't seen in a while greeted me with malice. It's better this way. It's better this way, for everyone. Deep down inside it took everything in me to not run after him. He was the one genuine friendship i ever had and i threw it away. I sighted against the wall but i expected it. I've never been able to keep friends for long, i sabotaged myself to the point where it became my normal. I found an obscure safety in it. But there was something about Alystair that was different from everyone else, the hurt is different, the regret raged inside of me like a volcano with the promise to erupt. The guilt was the worst of it all because it snapped all the sanity i had left within me.

A/N
I had this chapter written for a week but I couldn't decide if i should let things play out this way, buckle up everyone from here on its a ride!!!

Thank you thank you all for the amount of love tainted wings has been receiving! WE ARE AT 1.6K READS WTFF???!!!

AND THE COMMENTS GOSH THEY ARE MY FAVOURITE THING :) THANK YOU ALL MWAHH