jj maybank / one shots

PACIFIER PART FIVE: STRUGGLE

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

warnings: mature content ahead! [cheating; angst; abuse; blood; oral, female receiving; teasing; ] minors dni!!!

summary: jj's apartment, evening, more sex

word count: 3.1k

a/n: jj's pov, enjoy!

My eyes snapped open, cold sweat covered my body as I panted for air, like I couldn't get enough to fill my lungs properly. A nightmare. It felt way too real.

The only warmth that I perceived was the heat radiating from her palm on my chest. She peacefully sniffled next to me. The shirt she was wearing rested on her waist. It slipped off her shoulders, baring her chest, tight nipples peeking out, her naked ass half covered with the blanket. A faint smile appeared on my lips. She was my happy place, my safety, my pacifier.

I brushed my hair up so they wouldn't covered my face anymore, I wanted to grunt, to scream, but I couldn't wake her up, I couldn't scare her like that, instead, I got up as careful as I could, and walked out of the room, closing the door, leaving it a crack opened.

It was about six in the evening, I didn't bother to check the clock. The dream I saw invaded my mind, I needed to get this out of my head — cold shower.

The water was almost freezing, it felt right, I stepped into the shower, squeezing my eyes shut painfully. It woke me up, but it also woke all of the thoughts I've been trying to escape.

Last night, when I left the party earlier, I headed to my father's house, he called and said he needed help. I hated him, I didn't have to trust him like that.

Tears started streaming down my face, my lip pulsated, stuck in between my teeth as I tried to muffle the sobs. My palms collided with the wall, I wanted to punch it, but what was the point? I would only hurt myself more, all of that shit caused me enough pain already. I was just praying for her to still be asleep. She couldn't see me like this.

I stepped on the porch, there was no light anywhere, so I had to use my phone's flash light, "Dad," I called,  but no response came. I walked in, the door squeaking hideously, "Dad?" I called again, starting to get nervous, and then I felt arms over my throat. He stood behind, trying to choke me. We were right next to the wall, when I fell, my hand snapped the switch. The darkness replaced by light, the sudden brightness hurt his eyes and he loosened the grip for a few seconds, I used my time to crawl away, but he yanked me by my ankle. I fell on the floor, hitting my head, defenceless. Then it was my cheek, his fists crashed my face. When I tried to push him away, he gripped my arms so tightly, I thought he was going to break my bones. He's been doing this since I was ten, or eleven, I couldn't remember, but it didn't matter.

I used my feet to fight him off, and succeeded, he fell down and I climbed on top of him, looming over, holding him down, punching him back, with all the force I had, disgust and anger rolling off me. Furious, I couldn't stop, I wanted to kill him. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I yelled, swallowing the metallic taste of my blood blended with the salty tears, running down my cheeks, "What did I ever do to deserve this? Huh?" I grabbed the collar on his shirt, dragging him up and smashing his head against the floor again.

"I know you stole them," he gritted, failing to push me off, "Give the fucking pills back," he jerked, my fist slammed his cheek, and I stood up, kicking him with my boots, pressing one against his throat, making him choke, "You will never see them or me, ever again." I nudged him with my foot again and left.

Fuck it, now I have my own house, I don't need him or anything from him. As if he has ever given me something good. I twisted the faucet, adding more of hot water, reducing the cold, resting there for a few more minutes. Water spattering my shoulders pleasurably, relaxing every muscle in my bode as I soaked into the moment. Gettng out of there, I changed into the fresh pair of boxers and sleeveless shirt.