addicted. (a tayvis short story)

c h a p t e r . t h i r t e e n

Taylor made her way back into the apartment after waving goodbye to Liz. Their girl's night was cut short after maybe an hour of talking. Plans were changed once she got into Liz's car and she spilled everything that happened.  Everything that had happened with Travis earlier replayed nonstop in her head. The way he kissed her. The way he kissed her neck. The way his fingers brushed against her skin. How she was coming undone slowly until Liz knocked on the door. How if Liz hadn't shown up when she did, there wouldn't have been any type of night out. She would have been rolling around, tangled in bedsheets with the love of her life.  She hoped Travis was asleep so she could just go to bed. She opened the door to the apartment and saw Travis on the couch. She let out a little sigh, causing Travis to look up at her as she walked through the door.

"You're home early," Travis said after looking at the time. She had only been gone an hour, but she and Liz had talked on the phone for longer than that. He was shocked that she had already returned. 

"Yeah," she said, making her way into the place they shared. She put her purse down and sighed again.

"You okay?" He asked. She had something to say, but she didn't know how to say it. He could see it by the look in her eyes.

"Where's Ian?" She replied with a question. When she left he was asleep, it was late, so why wouldn't he still be asleep? Something was bothering her, he knew that. But what was it? Did it have something to do with earlier? Most likely. But would she say it? Would she let it out and let him know what was going on with her? 

"He's asleep in the room," Travis answered, getting up. He needed to know what the expression on her face meant. He needed to know what was going on in that pretty little head of hers. He needed to know what was wrong. "What's wrong?" He finally asked. 

"I can't do this, Travis," she blurted, taking him off guard. He placed his hands on her shoulders, feeling her shaking. He wanted to know everything, but he didn't respect the mild explosion. 

"Tay," he said softly before pulling her into him and pushing a curly piece of her hair from her face.  "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He asked, seeing the tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

"Travis, is this really working? Me and Ian being here? I mean... We..." Her mind was racing. She couldn't formulate her sentences correctly. But before she could get out the rest of her thought, he took over as if he knew exactly where this conversation was headed.

"Taylor, I can't make you stay. I can't. If you really want to go, then go, but Ian is staying with me. I'm sorry, but I've already missed over a year of his life. I'm not missing anymore," he told her. "I understand you need space and time and healing, but the bottom line is I love you. There is nothing I want more than for you and Ian to be here with me, but you can't expect me to..." Before he could finish, she pushed him away, wiggling from his grasp. 

"I'M SCARED, TRAV!" She exclaimed. She started to pace the floor. Trying to get her thoughts together but it all came out. All came out like a bunch of word vomit that she couldn't control. "GOD, Travis, I love you. I've never loved anyone more than I love you, but I'm scared." She let her head drop, and tears began to fall from her eyes. She tried her best to wipe them away quickly. "You don't remember the fights, do you? Some of the things you would say to me, how you would slam things and curse and scream. Travis, I would have to stay up taking care of you." Her tone was beginning to shift, the anger was setting in as she remembered the events. Some of the memories played in her head as if they had just happened yesterday rather than over two years ago. "I had to clean up your puke, I had to sleep on the couch, night after night, and had to get up to go to work seven days a week because I had to support us since you couldn't keep a job. I know it could have been worse, you could have abused me, you could have beat me, but you didn't. Even knowing all that could have happened,  you weren't what I needed then. I was pregnant, Travis, and you were abusing alcohol." She paused and looked at him with tears streaming down her face. "You promised me so many times things would change, and they never did. How can I be with you again, knowing all that you've put me through before?"