Pray For My Sins | YoonKook

10

Yoongi froze.

Jungkook was kissing him and that was the only thing he was registering right now.

He sat there, unmoved, too in shock that he totally didn't see this coming.

He didn't necessarily kiss him back, he just kind of let Jungkook do what he wanted. He closed his eyes, maybe he was hallucinating since now he no longer felt lips— oh never mind, they were there again.

This time, Jungkook kissed him, he managed to slip his tongue into Yoongi's mouth, which definitely got him out of his almost disassociated state.

He shoved Jungkook away and stared at him in shock and disbelief. "What... what are you doing?!" He asked.

Jungkook watched as Yoongi stood up and distanced himself from Jungkook. "What the fuck hyung?!"

That surprised Jungkook, he had never heard Yoongi cuss before. Yoongi avoided eye contact and pointed to his door. "I think you should leave." He said.

Jungkook put his things in his bag. "Yoongi, I'm sorry, I read the situation wrong-"

"JUST GET THE FUCK OUT!" Yoongi shouted, confusion and anger building up by the second.

Jungkook walked out of his room and headed to the front door as Yoongi's parents walked in.

"Oh Jungkook-!"

Jungkook bowed to them. "Excuse me." He mumbled before he put his shoes on and quickly left.

Yoongi's parents furrowed their eyebrows as they looked at each other, deciding to wait until dinner to bring it up.

Yoongi was in his room staring out his window. He listened as Jungkook started his car and left. He laid down on his bed and curled up with his pillow, gently touching his lips as he thought about what had just happened.

And why he kind of enjoyed it, surely it wasn't because of Jungkook, just the feeling of being kissed probably. His first kiss... was with a guy, how wrong was that?

—

After dinner that evening, Yoongi's parents tried to ask him what had happened between him and Jungkook, but he just dismissed them and asked his father to read from the bible.

Of course the passage was perfect for what happened. Cementing in Yoongi that what he was beginning to feel was wrong, sinful. One of the most sinful things ever.

"For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done." {Romans 1:26-28}

—

The following day at school and for the rest of the week, Yoongi ignored and avoided Jungkook at all costs.

Jimin noticed the tension between them right away. He noticed the way they wouldn't look at each other, not even a glance when before they were joined at the hip. He wanted to ask about it, but decided not to at school.

At lunch, Jungkook didn't sit with them, and stayed behind in their literature class as Yoongi left.

Jimin looked at Yoongi. "Are we waiting for-"

"No. Let's go." Yoongi said a bit bitterly.

He and Jimin walked home together for the first time in almost four months, since Jungkook came to their school.

Jimin looked over at Yoongi. "Hyung, what's going on between you and Jungkook-hyung?"

"Nothing! Why?" Yoongi asked defensively.

Jimin raised his eyebrows. "Whoa... um... well he just stopped hanging out with us-"

"Does it matter? You and I did just fine before he came. If you want to be friends with him, go ahead! But he and I aren't friends anymore!" Yoongi said, walking ahead of Jimin.

Jimin caught up to him. "But why?!"

Yoongi stopped walking. "He thought I was like you! And I'm not! I'm not gay!" He shouted at Jimin.

Jimin stared at him. Yoongi scoffed and shook his head. "That shit's disgusting! Why would he ever think that I'm-"

"Disgusting..." Jimin said softly, hurt by Yoongi's words.

Yoongi's eyes softened as he looked at Jimin. "No, not- Jiminie, not you-"

"Is this how you've really felt about me? Who I and Jungkook chose to love, does that really repulse you?" Jimin asked.

Yoongi closed his eyes and rubbed his face in frustration. "Jimin, that's not- I meant me being gay- just... ugh never mind..." he said.

Jimin nodded. "Maybe I will go be friends with Jungkook and not you, you homophobe-"

"No Jimin! I'm not- I'm not homophobic! You know that-"

"You sure do sound like you are-"

"Just with myself! I- I can't!" Yoongi shouted, his voice breaking a bit.

Jimin finally saw the hurt and inner turmoil Yoongi had been feeling since Monday, maybe even before then. Yoongi, the son of a pastor, gay? His religious parents would surely disown him.

Jimin walked up to the elder and pulled him into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry..." Jimin whispered, letting Yoongi cry a bit on his shoulder as the elder buried his face in it and cried for the first time since it happened.

—

Jimin was sitting next to Yoongi on the steps leading up to his house. They were eating ice cream and enjoying the warmer weather. Yoongi was going to go home after crying his heart out, but Jimin insisted that he should stay with him.

"So... did he ask you out? Confess? What happened?" Jimin asked softly.

Yoongi looked over at him and blushed. "He uh... he kissed me..."

Jimin raised his eyebrows. "Oh, wow... wait, was he your first?"

Yoongi nodded and looked down at his hands.

"And how did it make you feel?" Jimin asked.

Yoongi wiped away at tears. "After the second kiss, I pushed him away and got very defensive and kicked him out... I feel so bad about it, but I was— am scared. But... this whole week, in this moment right now... all I want to do is... is..."

"Kiss him? Hyung, it's okay." Jimin said softly.

Yoongi laughed a bit. "No it's not... at first I thought maybe I just liked kissing... but I liked kissing him. But men aren't suppose to be together. Jimin-ah, could you imagine my parents if I told them how I think I feel about boys? Where the fuck would I go? They'd kick me out!" Yoongi said.

Jimin watched as Yoongi sighed out. "I'm just going to forget it ever happened." He said.

"You're not going to talk to Jungkook about it?" Jimin asked.

"No way... I wish we could stay friends... but I don't trust myself. He's like the devil in disguise... tempting me. I can't even look at him cause it makes me— feel things." Yoongi said, gulping nervously.

Jimin sighed softly, he was about to speak, but his mother walked outside. "Come on boys, your dad is getting ready to start the movie." She said.

Jimin stood and gently patted Yoongi's shoulder before they walked inside.