The Hunger Games: To Wath Them Die

After

Time. Time was the only thing that kept my mind balance after Cato passed. My father and step mother didn't talk to me for a month after I returned. My step mom actually slapped me after I visited two days after returning home. Blaming me for my brother's death. I only responded with I know as I blamed myself too. I blamed the capital but I blamed my lack of helping him while he was in the games on me. My failure to get him sponsors before his last moments. Me missing part of his games due to the game makers weird fascination with me. I blamed myself for a lot when it came to my brother's death. My biggest blame was my winning of my games. If I never won my games, he would have never felt the need to prove himself and grow obsessed with winning the games to out shine what I did. I was young and stupid and I wished I let Borris end my life at the end but I didn't think of the reprocacutions then. I was just trying to survive. Now I sit in my living room. Paul beside me with his arm wrapped around my shoulders.

"You know they are coming today."

I gulp.

"I know."

Paul let out a sigh.

"You will have to face them again at the victor's party. You may not have to talk to them while they are here but you will have to speak to them eventually."

I let out another sigh.

"I know. I am just worried on how I am going to react. I...I couldn't even bring myself to speak to Mitch when he called here. How am I going to talk to him if I see him? What if my mind snaps again."

"Then everyone will be there to help you just how we were there for you during your recovery."

"What about my family. They haven't even spoken to me since my visit months ago."

Paul took in a deep breath.

"They will be fine. The grief was still fresh then, they are going to need your support when they have to go on those podiums."

I took in another breath.

"What about my brother's image. Clove's image, I have to see them again. I..."

Paul pulled me in closer.

"I am not leaving your side today. We are going to face this together. You are going to cry. You are going to be strong and I will be your cruch through all of it. Remember you are stuck with me. That ring on your finger proves that and I want you to know, I am not going anywhere. I may get mad at you or worry but I am not leaving. Death is the only way you are getting rid of me."

I look up at the man that has my heart in his hands.

"You better not die or I may truley be gone. You are the last person I have."

Paul placed a kiss on my forehead.

"You have a lot more people there for you then you realize, Kittera."

I nod.

"I know."

I leave it at that as I curl into his side. I can't believe it has been months since Cato died. I thought I came to terms with it, slowly bring back photos of me and him but I was hoping I would never have to see his tribute photo again but that day came. It was today. I hate that I have to see the stone look and blinks as he stared at the camera to get his profile photo as a tribute. I hated that it was not the brother I know and love that will be on a giant screen behind my family and me. I wish to never see that side of my brother again. To remember that brother rather then the caring loving Cato I know. He could be a smart ass but I was the same way. I want to remember the laughs we shared as I pushed him in the ocean waters of district 4. I want to remember the joy we felt as we would fight with sowards our father just built. I wasnt to remember the competitions we held as we ran through obsticle course at the academy to see who could complete it the fastest. I didn't want to remember the boy who broke tribute's necks and toyed with his victums. Or the boy who was mauled by muts begging Katniss to release the arrow to end his suffering and screams. His screams still woke me on top of my other nightmares. Borris's death and his death seem to haunt my dreams the most. Borris's was more prominent as I was the one to kill him, but Cato's was still hard. The sounds of screams and ripping flesh are hard to get rid of when it is your own brothe ryou have to watch that happen to. Thinking back on my own games and being in the position of so many other families now, made me hate myself a bit. What I did was terrible and the fact I had no emotion towards so many of the people I killed...It made me feel gross thinking back on it. The only family I still talked to was Borris's family. I made sure to visit them and stay in contact with them. Actually they were the first family to come check on me after my return after Cato's death. I remember breaking down in tears as his mother hugged me rubbing my back as I fell apart for the 100th time. I blinked my glazed eyes and stood in an almost robot fashioned finally ready to face what was to come. I just hope...I hope if the victors went off script again they would recall his moment of old Cato before he died and not Cato who made heads roll when he lost his temper.