Random things(Might include joongdok and vent art)

Yurrr

So urrhm like TW

I kinda wanna go into an analysis of my most recent chapter (the one where kdj overdosed)

I wrote the beginning in like 2022..? I wasn't really motivated to write that much by that time.

I had gotten rejected, I believe my mom and dad divorced around that time and I just wasn't in a great space. Ofc, not that bad of a space.

I was just not feeling good.

That chapter has only been finished because I was feeling unwell, and it was 3am

That chapter was based on an animation I saw when I was younger.

It basically went like this.

A girl who wasn't in the right headspace went to sleep, meeting a guy where she danced with him until she woke up. There was a door that let her out to wake when they were done. Suddenly she had a reason to go on.

Her family, school, everything made her stressed, making her mind go haywire.

She began to take medicine just to fall asleep, just to dance with this man for longer.

In desperation, after a bad fight(I believe this happened), she took the entire rest of the bottle which caused her to collapse.

She went to sleep, the door that let her out broke. The man was pushing her away, saddened by her choice.

Suddenly he turned into a monster, dragging her down and the it switched to her body. Her actual body. Her parents held her, crying as she was limp. They took the shape of disfigured shadows.

I remember watching and wishing that was me. I kinda still wish that, but not as much.

When writing the story, the first thoughts while writing was that Kim Dokja was looking into the future in the dream

Now, it changed. It was a similar idea except Kim Dokja couldn't wait. He was blinded by the fact that Yoo Joonghyuk that he had first confessed to would never look or talk to him again.

So he held to the one in his dreams. He slowly grew dependent on that, it felt like a drug, a desperation of feelings loved.

As a result, he died. Chasing after something he could've just waited for or gotten over.

However, Kim Dokja, or, I should say I, am an impatient person. I had gotten rejected last year, again, by someone different and I still can't help but stare.

But of course, I stay away. I don't want to depend on them clinging onto that feeling that makes me feel disgusting.

Except Kim Dokja would go that extra mile. He'd chase his only salvation. He'd protect it because he loves it so much.

In this case, Yoo Joonghyuk, which led to death. It's a bit of self projecting and the fact I'm in an angsty mood.

But yeah, I don't know where I was going with this, I just wanted to talk about it because I put thought into this one for some reason.