It turns out that a candy factory is not the ideal place for a child's birthday party. No, the most ideal place would have to be in the basement of an abandoned town house. You might be wondering why I don't think a candy factory is the ideal place for a child's birthday party. It's because of all that heavy machinery. You see, children are very small, and thus difficult to keep a close eye on, especially if you are easily distracted by chocolate. If children are very small and lightweight, and machinery is very big and heavy, then I suppose you can see why a candy factory is definitely not the ideal place for a child's birthday party.
I, unfortunately, could not see the obvious drawbacks until it was already too late. After hosting my little sister's party there I was, not only banned from Sweets Factory for life, but I also was banished by the PTA of my sister's school.
You see, it all happened on a sunny day in the middle of May. My little sister was about to turn seven around the same time the PTA was scheduled to hold a fundraiser at the factory. I dunno what they were selling, but it was supposed to be the biggest fundraiser of the year. Annnnnyways, that's beside the point... The point is that I decided they coincided nicely and that Arabella would love to celebrate surrounded by sweets and chocolate. So I led the group of first graders through the huge double doors and into the deceptively cheery building.
The first thing that went wrong was that a little boy, by the name of Marius, disappeared from my sight. I left the children in the care of a factory worker turned party coordinator as I went on my search for the little one. As I wandered down the sterile white walls I noticed the trail of brown which looked, tasted and smelled suspiciously like...CHOCOLATE! Upon further observation, the chocolate smelling substance was not actually chocolate, but human feces that smelled of chocolate. Repulsed and confused I followed the trail hoping to find its origin. It continued on and on, going into a room which was dimly lit and resembled an old timey dungeon.
Upon further observation, the old timey dungeon wasn't actually that old-timey. It was a fully functioning dungeon equipped with all the new modern torture devices. As inconvenient as that was, I had to move onward and figure out where the trail was coming from. I ventured deeper into the well-lit dungeon and found a deep hole in the ground, which was evidently the origin of the gross trail that I followed. In the way of good news, I had found Marius. In the way of bad news, he was eating some candy, which, the party wasn't actually paying for. Upon further observation, the "candy" he was eating wasn't actually candy.
It seems that the factory had kidnapped the boy and was using him to test their ultimate weapon on the way to world domination. Now this was only the first strike against me on that fateful day.
While I was gone searching for dear little Marius, the factory-worker-turned-party-coordinator locked every door out of the treacherous factory. She then proceeded to lead all the children down to the very modern dungeon. However, when they came down I was busy hiding in a corner eating chocolate. When I saw them, I sprang up, yelling, "LET MY KIDS GO YOU IDIOTS" Startled the factory workers released the children and all of us fled the scene through an open skylight. We made it back to the surface where the confused PTA members took the children and left me alone with my fake chocolate. We forgot Marius. The End.
