She could not bear to bathe in the tub when his hairs were caught in the drain and refused to wash it herself. Maria sighed and decided that maybe she would need to make the unfortunately expensive investment in a maid. She was not very excited about spending more money. That might mean she would need to get a second job. As a maid. But that wouldn't be cool.... because then she'd have to hire herself and clean the hairs anyway, so it would be quite a pointless investment. On the other hand, there was a high demand for maids in town. But, would she really want to clean up other people's gross messes???? No, Maria decided, she would instead seek work as a fork lift driver and then hire a maid.
Unfortunately for Maria, fork lift drivers do not make good enough money to be able to pay for a maid, so that idea was thrown out the window. Then she thought about being a assistant meter maid, or a sewage worker. Meter maids don't make very much money...so she couldn't imagine the meager amount paid to ASSISTANT meter maids. At last an idea dawned upon her- she would become an heiress.
So she set out to find an heiress to murder. The first step was to find a suitable knife. Correction: the first step was to consume some of the magic rainbow unicorn poop so that she could fly into the sky and use her radar to detect the heiress that most deserved death. Next she needed to find a good way to take said heiress out, such as throwing a dinner party or sending an army of bloodthirsty butterflies after the poor victim.
She decided on the latter. Then she traveled to hoppy death world to get the bloodthirsty butterflies. The problem was, she could only find plaid butterflies. She would have to settle for throwing a dinner party with plaid butterflies as the main dish. So, Maria laughed evilly and threw the butterflies (alive) into the oven.
Then came the task of what heat and how long to cook them for. If you cook plaid butterflies in too hot of an oven, they will bestow endless riches and blessings on the person who consumes them rather than make them suffer a devastatingly painful death. Maria, the ever cautious person she was, decided to create a delightful pudding while she waited. After she took the plaid butterflies out of the oven, she took her knife and sliced the still barely alive plaid butterflies into tiny pieces.
As the guests arrived, they took in the horrible smell. It was the smell of a thousand butterfly pieces, still not quite dead yet. They filed into the dining room, all murmuring quietly to each other about the already "rather shabby" dinner party. But they accepted it, and everyone sat down to eat the pudding, which was the only dish. "Where is the main dish?" someone asked after completing the pudding. "The main dish is death", announced Maria, smiling evilly and watching the heiress's face turn a purplish color. As the woman died Maria was sure to usher the other guests into the basement, which she locked behind them.
Maria had succeeded in getting a job that could help her pay for a maid, so now she would never have to clean her husband's hair out of the drain again. THE END
