BROKEN MEETS GRIEF

Chappter 34

This chapter deals with suicide.

"I'm sure it will happen for us we are being given precious time to spent together as a couple."

"I know we are Ashton and it has been fun trying for a baby. We should go on a trip somewhere. Here we are terribly rich and not really enjoying ourselves."

"Not that we have a a structure in place at work. We can behave like the billionaires that we are."

"I like us being plain old April and Ashton."

"Are you saying if I whisk you off to Paris next week you will complain."

"I have always wanted to go to Paris, Ashton."

"I know wife, which is why I booked us three days in Paris last week."

"You sly dog. I love my surprise."

"Why don't you show me just how much.  I want to hear moaning, groaning and you screaming my name."

"You have a freaky side to you Ashton."

"Clearly I don't if you're only just realizing it my dear wife."

"Look up, Ashton isn't the Norte Dame cathedral beautiful?" Ask April before they go inside.

"Not as beautiful as you."

"That's extremely cheesy but I like the compliment."

"Hold up you took a compliment and didn't put yourself down. Let me take a photograph of this moment."

She strikes a pose and he takes her picture then stands next to her and takes a selfie of the two of them. As they walk out of the cathedral hand in hand April leans into her husband. "Thank you for bringing me here I can tick it off my bucket list of things to do."

"I didn't know you have a bucket list."

"I do and go to Paris is on number three on the list. Have children, get married, work in a lab, and manage a team in a lab is also on the list.

"I thought you said you wanted to open a shop."

"I lied. I want to have a company that is the best at testing blood, urine and other analysts. I want when a hosptial needs to know about a patient they know my company is the best. I want to work somewhere I can help to understand and treat diseases."

"Then do that April you have the money to set up a company and the qualifications. You can always hire more senior biochemist than you to oversee you until you gain experience."

"I was thinking with Kimberly studying to be a doctor she may think I'm taking her limelight."

"April, you have a dream and you went to university and studied to make that dream happen. Go for it I can handle your other companies. You need to stop thinking about pleasing other people and please yourself. Your sister is a grown woman let her live her life and you live yours."

"Why are you so understanding Ashton?"

"Let's go back to the hotel and talk.

She takes a sip of her tea and gazes up at Ashton expectantly. "Going to granddad's funeral was hard not only because he was dead.  Let me start at the beginning. The reason I left my medical degree with only one test to take was I tried to take my life. I realized early on in my course medicine wasn't for me. Yet I stay to please granddad. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be just like the man I admired. The funny thing is he always told me to follow my passion not what I think is expected of me."

"Did he put expectations on you or was that your father?"

"As long as I took over the business from him dad didn't care what I did. He was very pleased when I changed to an economics degree."

"I was very focused on becoming a doctor to the detriment of my health. I decided to rebel and not take the final exam even thought I studied for it. Then became upset that I let my grandfather down and unfortunately around that time dad was on at me about joining him in the company. The pressure became too much for me and I overdosed. My grandfather was down as my next of kin and I can never forget the look on his face when he saw me in that bed."

"Surely it wasn't disappointment Ashton."

"He was devastated April and no matter how much I want to forget it I can't."

"Then I remember grandma overdosed as well.  So, I caused him to almost loose someone he loved for a second time."

"Oh Ashton."  She wraps her arms around him and he holds unto them for dear life.

"My guilt coupled with my grief caused me to not go to his funeral. How could I when I caused him so much pain. When I came out the hosptial I had a lot of counseling. My mum and my sibling knew about my overdose but not dad. I couldn't face him knowing I was so weak."

"Suicide is a person crying for help. If they don't die then they're heard, and help is hopefully available to them. Those who take their lives aren't weak Ashton.  It's just their cry for help went unnoticed or unsaid."

"Putting your families squabble aside on your dad's death anniversary April. I didn't feel weirded being at the cemetery. I started to hope it meant I may find the strength someday to say goodbye to granddad."

"England is a short plane ride from here. We can go to Menden and you can say your goodbyes to him then."

"I'm not ready yet, but I like the idea of going to Menden."

"We should go today we can always come back to Paris."

"Okay," he said in a small voice. "I asked Derek if my suicide attempt was the reason.  I was the first man in over a hundred years not in charge of my family."

"What did he say?" Ask April.

"I'm glad you're smart enough to know that I would know about that and no it's not. You just happened to be a Turner and not a Grant.  Then he said the fact you're standing here is proof you're the one."

"I said to him don't you look down on me for being weak?"

"You're not weak Ashton."

"I know April, he looked me straight in the eyes and put a hand on my shoulder then said, "Pain doesn't discriminate and neither will I."