One Small Step|| Taekook

What closure did he want?

"Your Worst battle is between what you know and what you see.."

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Taehyung feels the confession burning inside him.
I wish I die too
I wish I die too
I wish I die too
The words chant in his head over and over again. Jeongguk doesn't meet his eyes, because he himself has his eyes closed, jaw taut, cheeks glistening from spilled tears. Taehyung realizes how much strength and pain it took him to voice it out aloud, he realizes that it was something Jeongguk wanted to keep buried deep within him, and the confession came accidentally due to his agitation, in the flow of the moment.

He realizes the shame Jeongguk feels, revealing such a part of him to Taehyung, the last person probably who he wanted this to know about. Taehyung feels the conflict within him rise. Is this the same Jeon Jeongguk he knew? This man in front of him keeps on conflicting and surprising him with his actions and behavior. How did he go through so many changes? It was like he was a new person altogether.

Before Taehyung could react in any way, say something, anything, Jeongguk trotted away towards his own room, and shut the door, leaving him standing there all alone. Taehyung was still a bit dazed, he never understood why he told him about his grandma, or what to make of the thing Jeongguk told him after.

He should have felt relief right? He should have felt happy hearing the words. But Taehyung felt absolutely nothing. He was tired, too tired to think and feel anything. He absentmindedly made his way towards his bed, shutting the door. He laid down on one side of the bed, suddenly the room felt smaller, the bed hard and cold. Sleep was a luxury he could not afford. He heard a door opening and closing, and footsteps in the corridor, and concluded it was probably Jeongguk going somewhere.

Taehyung turned towards his side, facing the wall, taking in the zigzag white lines, running across the black wall, mind wandering.

-

Jeongguk hastily put on his seat belt, starting his car. Everything was too much. His mind replayed everything that transpired before. Each word Taehyung said to Junghoon, Each emotion his face reflected, All the pain he carried within himself. He was mortified about how he had revealed a part of himself to Taehyung; the one he wanted to stay between him and the stranger in the mirror. Taehyung wasn't supposed to know. He already believed him to be the most pathetic person ever. He wasn't supposed to know how Jeongguk concluded himself the same way.

"I wished you would die. I felt horrible wishing for it, but that relieved me, relieved some of my pain, that maybe one day, you would go through the pain you inflicted on others as well."

He gripped the steering wheel harder, taking deep breaths to stop Taehyung's voice in his head. To stop feeling anything, to make himself numb. He drove aimlessly. "Every time I came back home all bruised, thanks to you, Every time I had to lie to my grandma, and see her realize what was going on with me, and her heart breaking for it, because she could do nothing, I hated you so much."

He felt the words all over again. Each word stabbing him cruelly. The walls of the car felt like it was closing on him. He couldn't take it anymore. He stopped his car in a secluded area, near the Han river bank. The night was chilly, with no soul outside. Jeongguk got down, taking deep breaths, tears spilling. He crouched down on the ground, his sobs turning louder. He didn't care if anyone found him like this crying his heart out. He needed an out. He needed to stop feeling so much.

He sobs, hiding his face, with his arms, placed on his knees.

Jeongguk hides himself, in case Taehyung spots him. He was not really sure why he was there. Hell, this was probably the last place he would ever think of coming to. But, unusual as it was, Jeongguk was there, hiding behind big dustbin cans, just near Kim Taehyung's house.