When It's Just Us

Lorenzo Dunn: Living is Lonely

It was another at school. Today was Wednesday, meaning there's still 2 more days of pain at school. Don't get me wrong. School is alright. It's just boring sometimes, and when it isn't it's usually some drama that I'm dragged into somehow. Nothing's new. Nothing's interesting.

I sat at the cafeteria of our school waiting for my friends. I'm usually pretty early so there's barely anyone when I get there. The good part is that I get time to myself. Even if I already get a lot of time by myself. I want to be alone but I hate feeling lonely. So I guess being alone at school is better than at home. My family had a lot of children, me being the youngest child. I was born way after all of my other siblings were born. They were practically already adults. None of them, neither my parents, have given me attention. I never knew why either. I always made sure to work extra hard and to look after myself. I figured I needed to because no one was going to look after me either way. I always got good grades and I would try to make my parents proud. To say the least, they were still disappointed.

After a few years of me still trying to impress them, I stopped trying to care if they noticed or not.

One night, I walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. In the kitchen my mother and my oldest sister were drinking wine. They were talking about something and I didn't want to interrupt, but something about it made me want to stay and listen.

"Mom, what do you think about Lorenzo?" My sister laughed. My mom sipped her wine and sighed. "He's nothing special. I didn't even want a fourth child, but he's still my kid I suppose." I covered my mouth. My mom continued, "Enzo is a sweet kid, but he seems like an attention seeker. He's always showing me his good grades and trying to do nice things. It just comes off annoying."

I didn't need to hear anymore of this, but I couldn't move. I covered my ears.

"It's ok.. It's ok. It's ok. Momma loves you. Momma loves you. Momma loves you." I kept thinking. Tears formed in my eyes as I tried not to make any noise. Even if I covered my ears, I could still hear them both laughing. A tear dropped off my cheek. Then two. Then three. Suddenly I started crying my eyes out. I took my hands off my ears and ran to my room. The day that happened, I was 10. I'm now 15. Ever since then, I started to save money so that I could move out as soon as I turn 18. 3 more years, I got this.

"Dude, you okay?" I looked up, it was Trevor and Elias. I nodded and smiled, "Yeah, I'm alright." I looked at both of them. I know something's off with myself but they look beat up. Elias's eyes were bloodshot red and Trevor looked more tired than usual. "How about you guys? You both look tired as hell." Elias looked down, that usually meant that Trevor had to do the talking. "Yeah, we're alright. Just some stuff, y'know?" He looked away too. "Oh, ok.", Something feels off. "Well I hope whatever it is that it gets better." Elias nods.

I look over at the main entrance to see Opal and Sammy laughing. Beside Opal was Catherine and Julie. Where's Shelley? I looked back at Trevor. He's sitting down and texting on his phone. "Hey man, can you text Shelley and ask where she is?" He nodded, "Texting now." The group walks to our table. Everyone else is cheerful and laughing.

I think that everyone knows Opal is the center of the group, even if we don't want to say that out loud. She has the closest connections with everyone too. Or at least that's how it seems. To be honest, if she wanted to call off the group she could. She could do anything if she wanted it badly. I think I'm scared of her? I'm not sure anymore.

"Hey Lorenzo." Opal smiled at me. I smiled back, "Hey." She sat down next to me and then turned away. "Shelley didn't respond." Trevor said. I turned to look at him. "What? Is she okay?" He shrugged, "I'll call her during lunch." I nodded. Shelley liked school. Did that weird me out? Yeah, of course. But I don't really mind. Sometimes school is an escape from home, I get that. I mean, she even said that herself. So why would she not be at school?

The morning bell rang. Everyone grabs their backpack getting ready to leave. The teacher doing lunch and breakfast moderating dismissed the tables one by one. The laughing and screaming across the cafeteria feels louder now. The teacher dismisses our table and everyone starts to leave. I slowly get up and walk behind them. "I need to calm down. I'm sure Shelley is okay. If she isn't Trevor will tell you immediately. It's ok." I thought.

Shelley is a nice girl, but she's really cold towards everyone. Catherine said she wasn't always so cold towards everyone. That's kind of hard to believe in my opinion. She is nice, but her not being cold? I don't know. I've tried asking Catherine and Trevor about it but they don't like talking about it.

My first class period is English. Ms. Shadl has always been my favorite teacher. She's in her mid 20s but isn't married or seeing anyone. It shows. Not because she's always longing for love, but the fact that she knows so much about it. I tell Ms. Shadl everything. Everything in my home life and everything in my school life. We swore everything we talk about stays between us. Sometimes I see her as my mom. Is that wrong?

I walked into Ms. Shadl's room. The room was decorated with books and paintings. One part of the laughs were on, covered by blue drapes. The class shattered softly. Some kids are already energetic and tackling other kids. I walked to the back of the class and put my bag down. There is no one that I knew in this class meaning I could rest for the start of the day. I sat at my desk waiting for her to tell the class what we were doing today. I closed my eyes, trying to tune out the sounds around me. My eyes start to close as the only thing I'm concentrating on is my breather.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Sleep.